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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939459">Of warlocks and party planners</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e'>s_a_b_i_n_e</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - This World Inverted (Shadowhunters TV), BAMF Magnus Bane, Boys Kissing, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Episode: s01e10 This World Inverted, First Dance, First Dates, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Introvert Magnus Bane, M/M, Making Out, Malec, Mild Smut, Post-Episode: s01e10 This World Inverted, Promiscuity, Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, True Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:08:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>36,285</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939459</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After sending Clary back to her own dimension Magnus just wants to head home. But Alec has other plans.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alternate Magnus Bane/Alternate Alec Lightwood (Shadowhunters: This World Inverted), Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>259</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>352</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Finding each other</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus felt alive. Magic bubbled underneath his skin. He was exhausted, too. Creating the portal and getting rid of the dead creature had nearly depleted his just awakened magic. But boy, did it feel good! He had to hurry home, making plans to fully get his magic back. He couldn't wipe the big grin off his face. </p><p> "Thinking about me?" a familiar voice asked. It belonged to Alec who was leaning next to the exit. Magnus rooted to the spot. "Ehm, what?" he answered eloquently. Alec pushed himself off the wall and slowly moved in his direction, eyes intensely locked with Magnus'. "I had hoped to paint a smile on your face tonight or maybe ...," he now was close enough to whisper in Magnus' ear, "... make this beautiful mouth moan my name."</p><p>The warlock's cheeks were flashed in crimson. <i>Delicious.</i> Alec enjoyed this game nearly too much. It was obvious that Magnus wasn't used to flirting or hookups for that matter. <i>Tread lightly, Lightwood. </i></p><p>"I don't know what it is about you. But you unlocked something in me." It was Alec's best pick-up line. Though saying it this time felt different. Usually, if somebody ditched him he would just turn around and flirt with somebody else. But he had scanned the room for Magnus every minute since the gorgeous man had stepped away from him. </p><p>Finally Magnus found his words again, kind of. "Oh, listen, Alec, I ...I wish I could ... I just ... I don't know what ...", he stuttered. Alec raised his index finger and stopped it a centimetre from Magnus' lips.</p><p>"I understand. Stay for just one dance and then decide," he offered and Magnus' legs turned to jelly. Alec's voice made him dizzy. What was it about this man that made him flash this stupid smile and follow the moving index with his eyes? A snicker escaped his mouth and it was the cutest sound Alec had ever heard.</p><p>He offered Magnus his hand who took it hesitantly. Alec felt an instant connection, something buzzing through his veins. He couldn't make anything of it. Yes, Magnus was good looking, but nothing compared to the guys he usually hooked up with. He wanted to know him, strip back all the layers of mystery. These weren't the layers he usually liked to strip. Maybe it was that - Magnus was unusual. Alec could feel it.</p><p>When they reached the dance floor a slow song was playing. Alec took the lead and Magnus followed, trying hard not to step on Alec's feet. He had been a good dancer once, but you don't need good moves while reading tarot cards. "I'm a bit rusty," he apologized. "No worries, I can take it." As soon as these words had left his lips Alec made a face that Magnus hopefully hadn't seen. Even his best lines seemed to be out of place around the shorter man. It made 'Alec poise incarnate Lightwood' feel like a coy virgin.</p><p>Magnus felt so good in his arms. Alec imagined dancing with him under the stars, kissing him softly for hours and hours. Usually, he would have thought of crumpled bed sheets and heated bodies. <i>What's wrong with you, Lightwood?</i></p><p>Magnus worked hard to normalise his breathing. He hadn't been in such close proximity to anyone for more than a century. Something was burning underneath his skin where their bodies connected and it wasn't his magic. It was longing, the urge to do stupid things like kissing the young stranger, and tell him all of his secrets like how he just got his magic back. Oh, he had nearly forgotten. He had to go home!</p><p>When the song ended he took a step back. "Thank you, Alexander, for this wonderful dance. But I really need to head home. It was a long day." Alec's stomach made a strange somersault when he heard his full name rolling off Magnus' tongue. "Oh," he said, disappointment heavy in his voice. "Let me at least hail a cab for you," he offered.</p><p>"That's not necessary, really. I'll walk," Magnus answered, just realising that he had left his wallet in the loft. He had portaled to the institute but his magic was depleted now. He couldn't create another one.</p><p>"I could walk you home," Alec tried. Magnus eyed him from head to toe. This one was a player he just knew. The over-confidence, the smooth way he moved around his prey like probably hundreds of times before, the easiness with which he had demolished his resistance. And Magnus was way too old and way too tired to be a one-night stand, even when feeling arousal for the first time in one hundred years. <i>No, Bane, you don't need this. Really. Get out of here.</i></p><p>"I don't think that's a good idea," he declined, already turning away from Alec. "Could I at least get your number?" the party planner inquired. Magnus turned around pondering his options. </p><p>"If this is meant to be we will find a way back to each other," he finally said. Destiny had never been Magnus' friend. He strongly doubted that it would be different this time. Oh, how wrong he was.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Alec</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That's all he had wanted for the last few years. Friends with benefits, one-night stands, quick numbers in public toilets. Being attracted, feeling desired, getting off. It was enough to get through the week and to take the edge off when another bride or entrepreneur was driving him crazy.</p><p>It hadn't been just one time that he had rolled out of an unfamiliar bed, hoping that the other occupant wouldn't wake up. He didn't even know their names most of the time. </p><p>All this casual sex was great right at the moment, but nearly always weird afterwards. Alec felt strangely empty. He would never let anybody in, neither emotionally nor physically. He wasn't the one to get laid, he always was the one laying someone. It gave him control over his own satisfaction. He wasn't particularly proud of this. But there just would not ever be a man again being able to rip out his heart as Sebastian had.</p><p>Sebastian had been his first everything: first kiss, first love, first sex, first boyfriend, and his first heartache. It was not an amicable break-up. They had been together for four years. They had their problems, but Alec believed that they would weather the storm. Sebastian would touch him again. They would find their way back to each other.</p><p>Sebastian did not just leave him. No, that would have been merciful, but Sebastian wasn't the kindhearted type. He prefered big statements. And he wanted to get this one out bright and clear.</p><p>He had picked up a guy right in front of Alec and walked with him into a back room. Alec still didn't understand why he had followed them. Against any better judgement, he had opened the door and caught them in the act. Sebastian had just turned his head and looked at him with a vicious smile. Alec had felt sick and left. That's the last time he had seen him. Izzy and Jace had taken care of exchanging their stuff.</p><p>After a month of moping his siblings had decided it was enough and had dragged him into a club. After enough booze to let him forget his own name he had picked up his first one-off. He felt alive for the few minutes of lust and the walk of shame soon became so regular that it didn't deserve the name anymore.</p><p>He was free, independent, and always found a body to warm him at night when he wanted to. He had everything that he needed. Or so he thought.</p><p>That was until the night of the Mad hatter party. He had worked his ass off for the event, knowing that this could lead to bigger jobs on an elite level.</p><p>He had micromanaged every little detail, hadn't slept enough for weeks, making only time for his siblings. He hadn't had sex in three weeks, a personal record.</p><p>But now the preparation was done, the party in full swing, and a complete success. The guests enjoyed themselves and Alec was leaning at the entrance having a good view of everything unfolding as planned. If a problem should arise he could fix it instantly. </p><p>Raj's voice called his attention to a good looking man at the entrance. His face seemed vaguely familiar though Alec couldn't place him. He wasn't on the guestlist but one look at him and Alec knew that <i>he</i> wanted to be <i>his</i> guest tonight. He was appropriately dressed, a bit too modest for Alec's taste but who cared about that when the goal was to get him out of his clothes.</p><p>That's how Alec found himself challenged to get in Magnus Bane's pants. <i>Magnus</i>. He liked the sound of this name and the shy man hiding behind it. He could persuade him to a single dance. And then the mysterious stranger had left him standing for the second time. Him, Alec Lightwood, Mr Irresistible.</p><p>It would have been easy to call up one of his fwb. But there was something that Alec hadn't felt since the first time he had laid eyes on Sebastian. There was longing, longing for more than just sex.</p><p>With a few words and touches Magnus had started to undermine the foundations of the fortress Alec had built around his heart. But that wasn't the strangest part. The strangest part was that Alec actually wanted him to break down his stronghold. Why, he couldn't understand.</p><p><i>If this is meant to be we will find a way back to each other.</i> Alec was up for the challenge. Destiny could be bribed. He wouldn't pass up this golden opportunity.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Magnus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus walked. He hoped that the cool night air would clear his mind of beautiful hazel eyes and cocky smiles. He had to focus. Focus on getting his magic back. He couldn't be distracted by a boy with angel blood. Okay, Alec wasn't a boy. He was a man. A confident, openly gay/bi/pan/poly man in his twenties who had shown interest in <i>him</i>. Maybe Alec just had taken the mickey out of him? <i>It's got to be that, right?</i> </p><p>Alec was elegant, styled, and handsome. There's no way he would be interested in Magnus Bane, not in any dimension in existence. And even if. It would never work. They were just too different. It had been the right decision to leave. He would have the dance to relive in his mind. It was an unexpected gift. An anomaly just like Clary from the other dimension. It was better to close and destroy the metaphorical portal to the possibility of a different life too. Who knew what demons could otherwise rampage his quiet life?</p><p>Magnus felt more comfortable being in the shadows, going unnoticed. His low profile wasn't only for keeping his secrets safe. He just wasn't like other immortals who lived their lives to their hearts' content. He was shy, modest, reticent. He liked relaxed evenings in front of the television or with a good book, cuddling with the Chairman, and having an early night.</p><p>He had very few friends, but they were family to him. He loved them dearly, even though they sometimes made him do stupid things. Like that silly commercial. </p><p>He had lost a bet to Ragnor. And the old bastard thought it a good idea to shove him far out of his comfort zone right into hell. Going to Edom would have been less evil though. But betting debts are debts of honour as Germans say. </p><p>Magnus' business didn't need to be advertised. He was good at what he did and word-of-mouth recommendation was enough to fill his diary to the brim. And then there was the little fact that he didn't need to earn money in the first place. He had enough money and riches to live not doing a hand's turn for centuries. He didn't need much after all. And he still had the magic touch for financial investments. He didn't need more clients. </p><p>But Magnus loved reading tarot cards. Not because he had any kind of parapsychological gifts. No. But he could read <i>people</i>. And it made him happy to help them making good decisions for themselves. The cards were just an opener to their hopes, fears, and heart's desires. And he was the medium that helped to bring them out.</p><p>He walked and walked. Lost in thoughts he might have not chosen the shortest way. Or maybe he really needed two hours to get back home. Now that portaling was an option again he really looked forward to travelling. But not today. His feet hurt. He should definitely invest in better footwear.</p><p>Finally arriving in his loft he just wanted to fall into his bed, recharge, and tomorrow he would dust and restock his apothecary. And if he dreamed of dancing tonight who was there to judge him?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The hunt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec chucked his phone on the bar.  He could tear his hair out. There was nothing. No social media, no websites, no anything. As far as the internet went, Magnus Bane didn't exist. Who hadn't at least a Twitter account? It could be one of the million anonymous ones of course, but still. It wasn't really possible to live in the 21st century without leaving any traces online.</p><p>Alec rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. After the party had ended he had felt like bouncing off the walls. He had been able to convince his siblings and their partners to go dancing with him to get out the excess energy he always felt after a big event. That the drinks were on him definitely helped. They celebrated Izzy moving in with Simon. Clary and Jace seemed to have their own reason to make merry. Clary finally seemed to be herself again after acting rather weird earlier that day. Everybody danced the day's tension out of their systems. </p><p>It wasn't until a hot blond had danced seductively behind him that Alec remembered that he was actually on a mission. He averted the advances and went to get a drink, settling down on a barstool. He switched on his phone and entered the name into a search engine, looking forward to finding out more about the man who had caught his eye. And there it was: 0 results. How was that even possible!?</p><p>The man had said his name quickly, too fast to have it invented on the spot for sure. A thought gave Alec the creeps. What if he had been a competitor's spy who wanted to steal stuff? If somebody found out that he let him enter it would be the end of his career. No, this surely wasn't true. He wouldn't have stayed for a dance then, would he?</p><p>But then he remembered that Izzy had talked about insane security standards Val had implemented. It was impossible to get into the sensitive parts of the institute without being detected. It took a load off Alec's mind.</p><p>But still. If this man did not exist virtually than who was he? If anything Alec was even more intrigued. He had to find him.</p><p>Izzy sat down next to him. "What's up? You're frowning." "Ah, nothing. There was just this guy at the party. I looked him up online but there is nothing. That's just strange," Alec answered. Now it was Izzy who frowned. Alec, searching for a guy, even knowing his full name? That was unusual.</p><p>She didn't judge her brother's lifestyle. It was his life to live. But she still worried about him. And she knew him too well to ignore the fact that he was wearing his confidence like an armour. Underneath Alec was sensitive. Sebastian had hurt him deeply, but she still hoped that the right man would come and make him believe in love again. He deserved to be happy.</p><p>"Tell me about him," Izzy requested. "There's not much to say," he replied. "His name is Magnus Bane, he crashed the party but looked innocent enough. I had hoped ... I don't know ... he ditched me after exchanging names. And later I could convince him to dance with me. But then he ditched me again. He walked home so maybe he lives in the neighbourhood. I don't know."</p><p>Izzy examined her brother. He looked sad. That for sure wasn't because of a missed hookup. "How did he look like?" she asked. "Smaller than me, raven hair. He was wearing a patterned maroon dress shirt with a brownish suit. He had the most beautiful almond-shaped chocolate eyes," Alec enthused. Izzy smiled. "He sounds like Mr Perfect," she snickered. </p><p>She stood up. "I will crash at Simon's. When will you be back at the Institute tomorrow?" she asked. "Not before 10. I need a bit of beauty sleep," her brother answered, rubbing his face with both hands. <i>You will need it if I'm successful.</i></p><p>"Good. See you then. Clary and I will help Simon to load his van. Sleep well, hermano." She pressed a kiss on his cheek and waved at Simon signalling that they were about to leave.</p>
<hr/><p>The alarm clock went off much too early. Alec groaned and squeezed his face into the pillow. It took four times of pushing the snooze button until he finally got up. He went straight to the coffee machine, hoping for a liquid energy boost.</p><p>After giving himself a catlick he put on some random jeans and shirt and didn't even bother to try to get his hair in check. There would be only family and friends around. The security people surely wouldn't judge his looks.</p><p>When he arrived at the Institute Clary and Simon were already busy packing up the band equipment. "I brought coffee and doughnuts," Alec proclaimed. "You're my hero," Clary declared, snatching a cup before hugging Alec.</p><p>Alec looked around. "Where is Izzy?" he asked. "She said she had to check something with the head of security." Alec flinched. Did something happen? He prayed to every deity there was this not to be the case.</p><p>"Hey, muscle man, able to lend a hand?" Simon shouted from the other side of the room, trying not to be crashed by the electric piano. "Sure," Alec called, stuffing his face with the rest of his doughnut. "Coming."</p><p>From the corner of his eye he saw his sister entering. She wore a broad grin on her face. "What's making you so annoyingly happy? You can't have had more sleep than I did," Alec asked, trying and failing to suppress a yawn.</p><p>"I'm a bearer of good news", she purred, triumphantly waving a piece of paper. Alec answered her antics with an eye-roll so big he nearly tipped over backwards.</p><p>"Don't be overdramatic, big brother. Just get over here." She let herself sink into a leather couch and tapped on the seat next to her. Alec shuffled across the room and slumped on the sofa.</p><p>Izzy handed him the ominous sheet of paper, her grin getting even wider when she saw her brother's mouth fall open. "Is this Mr Perfect?" she asked. Alec shook his head in agreement. "How?" His sister chuckled. "Security cameras," she answered mischievously. "Could you find out who he is?" Alec asked full of hope. "No, security had no idea who he is. But it's a first step, right? We could try some reverse image searches and stuff," she suggested.</p><p>"Oy, aren't you people helping anymore? I'm dying here," Simon yelled dramatically. "No time for that, Si. My brother met the man of his dreams and now we have to find him," his girlfriend yelled back. Alec threw back his head in embarrassment. "Izzy, argh," was all that he got out.</p><p>Simon and Clary threw down the microphone cables they were holding and curiously approached the others. "Oh, he's cute," Clary said, knitting her brow. "He looks familiar. Who is it?" she asked. "We don't know," Izzy answered. "He told Alec his name was Magnus Bane." She shrugged her shoulders.</p><p>"Wait, Magnus Bane? Like <i>the</i> Magnus Bane from this awesome commercial?" Simon shrieked, ripping the paper out of Clary's hand. He studied the picture. "I'm positive this is him." "Are you sure?" Alec asked in disbelief. "100%, dude. He's not wearing glasses in the pic, but I'm absolutely sure. That promo went viral!"</p><p>"I looked him up. There were no videos or anything." "Maybe they just didn't put his name in the description," Simon guessed. "Wait, I'll show you," he said, pulling out his phone. It took a moment but finally the search for 'crazy psychic commercial' did the trick.</p><p>Alec stared on the little screen with a mixture of excitement and horror. A psychic? Really? Sure Magnus had been mysterious, but <i>that</i> was a very different kind of crazy.</p><p>"Oh, you will be perfect together. You'll marry and have beautiful kids, and live happily ever after," Izzy exclaimed, earning herself another of her brother's famous eye-rolls. "Izzy, I don't think so", he muttered. The disappointment was colouring his voice.</p><p>"Oh, come on, big brother! Why not?" she asked. "He's cute, seems to be financially independent, and ... most importantly ... he's the first guy in years who really caught your eye." "But he's a psychic!" Alec spluttered. "And did you see that smile at the end? He looks like a crazy person!"</p><p>Clary sighed. "Alec, this is just a commercial. Maybe he was nervous in front of the camera or the production company told him to do that. Did he seem like a crazy person yesterday? I saw you dancing and you looked very ... content." Alec opened his mouth to object to her observation. But he couldn't. She was right. He hadn't felt this good in a very long time. It may only have been a few minutes of dancing, but still.</p><p>"Okay, okay. I'll call him," Alec surrendered. "But honestly. Who doesn't even have a website to promote his business? It's the first thing you do nowadays. Nobody uses their phone to actually <i>call</i> to make an appointment anymore. He acts like a grandfather or something."</p><p>Alec still was in two minds about calling. But on the other hand, what did he have to lose?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The first date</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"And then she threw up all over his expensive designer shoes. It was hilarious," Catarina laughed, throwing back her head. "Sounds like he deserved it," Magnus snickered. "He did indeed."</p><p>Cat's lair was one of Magnus' favourite places in the world. He felt safe and could let himself go here. Knowing each other for hundreds of years Catarina was his best friend on this side of the Atlantic Ocean. With Cat the usually shy and reserved warlock let his guard down, showed sides of himself that only very few people were blessed to see.</p><p>Today he was in high spirits, joking around, and maybe he even had a drink or two. It was his first booze in a century and he <i>might</i> just be a little bit tipsy.</p><p>"I wanna show you something," he said mysteriously. She raised a questioning eyebrow. Magnus held his hands parallel to each other and created a ball of magic, sparkling and lightning in blue.</p><p>He enjoyed Catarina's look nearly too much. Her eyes widened in surprise, joy, and worry all wrapped up in her beautiful blue face. "How?" was all she mastered to say. In hurried words, he told her everything about the adventures of the previous day.</p><p>"And what will you do now?" Cat asked. "I will work on my magic," Magnus answered. "Good to have you back," his friend said and he nodded in agreement. </p><p>"I'm feeling alive again," Magnus mused. "I wasn't aware of how much I missed being like this. Catarina laid her hand on his arm. "I knew you would want to have it back. I just never thought it would take you so long to see that." "Well, I do now," Magnus smiled. Catarina smiled back knowingly. "If you need my help, I'm here for you. But I guess that it's like riding a bicycle. You'll be back in full power soon." Magnus grinned.</p><p>"What are your plans when your magic is fully restored?" his friend inquired. "I want to travel. Maybe getting into potion making a bit. There are still downworlders around who would appreciate this I suppose." He looked up at her. "Maybe I could help you at the hospital?"</p><p>"Oh, my dear friend. Healing was never your favourite kind of magic. Only on the battlefield, remember? When the details weren't as important as saving a life at all," she said with a gloomy face. "Yes, you're right," Magnus agreed. "Well, I'll find something to do with my magic. My lair is already much cleaner and in order than in many decades."</p><p>Catarina laughed. "I hope you threw out that ugly ..." Cat got cut off by Magnus' phone playing <i>Bad guy</i> by Billie Eilish. It was Ragnor's latest prank. The ringtone indicated what kind of person called him. Magnus let out a puff. He had to undo this spell as soon as possible. And then he would come back to roost the little cabbage.</p><p>Magnus fished for his phone, several times trying to swipe the green button to the side. <i>So you're a tough guy / Like-it-really-rough guy /Just-can't-get-enough guy</i>. Magnus took a deep breath when he finally managed to answer the call.</p><p>"Magnus Bane, tarot card and psychic readings, what can I do for you?" There was a small but audible moment of silence and the warlock thought that he had picked up too late. "Magnus. Hi. It's Alec. We met the other day. You know, at the Mad hatter party." For a moment Magnus was rendered speechless. "Uh, yeah ... yeah, hey, what's up?" he finally got out, cringing at his choice of words.</p><p>"I was just thinking it was really nice getting to know you. You seem ... sympathetic. Would you like to go out for a drink sometime?" Alec asked. "That sounds fun, um ... When?" Magnus pulled a face. <i>I used to be smooth. Oh, who am I kidding? I never was. Why can't I form a normal sentence when I talk to this guy?</i></p><p>"How about right now?" Alec suggested. And maybe it was the gin talking, but Magnus said, "Um ... You know, now's a really good time for me. What do you have in mind?" "I'll message you the address. See you at noon", Alec said and hung up.</p><p>Magnus was dumbfounded. "What was that?" Catarina asked cocking an eyebrow. "I think ... I ... I have a date," Magnus stuttered. "Well," she laughed. "You don't do things by half-measures, do you?"</p>
<hr/><p>Magnus had portaled back to the loft after saying a quick goodbye and promising to tell Catarina <i>everything</i> later.</p><p>Now he stood in front of his scarcely filled wardrobe. Alec had sent him the address of a stylish bar. Magnus doubted that there was anything he owned that wouldn't look out of place there. His suit would be over the top and in his usual attire, he would be underdressed.</p><p>Why did he even do this? Was he so needy to jump the first person who took interest in him? And where did the thought of jumping anyone come from? He could barely remember how it felt to be kissed, much less what it was like to be not alone in his bed.</p><p>
<i>Focus, Bane. It's just a date. He will see how colourless you are and leg it. It will be over in under 30 minutes. Don't kid yourself.</i>
</p><p>He settled for his favourite grey trousers, a grey shirt with a blue flower pattern, and the navy cardigan that Cat had gifted him a few years ago. He put on the new tailor-made shoes he had conjured before visiting his friend earlier. His feet still hurt from the unusual strain from walking all the way home.</p><p>He looked at his reflection in the mirror and sighed. Yes, that was the best he could manage. He was a second from cancelling the whole endeavour when he felt Church prowling around his legs. He looked at his cat in disbelief. But then he laughed. What were the odds that a handsome man would ask him on a date <i>and</i> his grumpy cat suddenly feeling cuddly? The whole world seemed to be inverted.</p>
<hr/><p>Magnus was half an hour early. Portal travelling surely had its perks. Sitting in a bar, feeling out of place 30 minutes straight wasn't one of them.</p><p>Magnus had gotten hold of a table in the back and was nursing a pot of jasmine tea when Alec finally entered the bar. The warlock raised his hand shyly and waved. <i>No, that wasn't weird at all.</i> Magnus felt the urge to punch himself.</p><p>But Alec just flashed a huge smile and crossed the room with rapid strides. He pulled out the empty chair, shed his blazer, and sat down. Magnus couldn't help but scan his outfit. The blue jeans were perfectly fitted and his patterned green shirt showed his well-defined body. Magnus tried to swallow the lump in his throat.</p><p>"Hi," Alec said. "H-hi", Magnus answered and Alec laughed. <i>Great. Not a minute into the first date and he is already laughing at me.</i> Magnus tried to refill his cup, but only a small puddle was left in the pot.</p><p>"Have you been waiting long?" Alec asked, checking his watch, wondering why the other man had already drunk his entire tea when he himself had nailed the arrival time.</p><p>"Ehm, no. I just ... overestimated the travel time," Magnus said, feeling heat crawling up his cheeks. "Where do you live?" Alec asked curiously. "Brooklyn", the warlock answered. The taller man's eyes grew bigger. "And you walked home yesterday? That must have taken you hours! Why didn't you just take a cab or the subway?" Alec inquired. "I had forgotten my purse," Magnus confessed. "I could have lent you the money," Alec said a bit scandalised. "I don't really know you," Magnus objected. <i>Right.</i></p><p>There was an awkward silence between them. Magnus fiddled with the tag of the teabag and avoided Alec's gaze. Alec took a long close look at the man in front of him. He looked totally out of place. He should have taken him to a cosy coffeehouse. It was obvious that Magnus didn't feel comfortable here. <i>Or is it my company?</i> The thought made Alec's heart clench.</p><p>"So, tarot, huh?" Alec asked, not being able to stand the silence any longer. Magnus just shrugged his shoulders not looking up, inwardly bracing himself for the malice that was sure to come. How cruel of Alec. Asking him here just to make fun of him.</p><p>"There's surely an intriguing story behind it," Alec said in a soft voice that made Magnus look up. He met Alec's kind and open face. <i>Didn't expect that.</i> "Well, ... it just seemed to be the right thing at the time," he answered vaguely. <i>A full sentence without stuttering. Progress at last.</i></p><p>"What ... what do you do for a living?" Magnus deflected. "I'm a party planner." "Wow, okay." Magnus hadn't expected that. "I planned the Mad hatter party," Alec explained, pride colouring his words. "That's ... impressive," Magnus managed to say. Silence creeping up again.</p><p>"According to the internet you don't really exist," Alec tried to find a new topic. <i>This conversation is like slow-moving traffic.</i> Magnus gave him a befuddled look. "I'm a rather private person," he said shyly. It was the truth after all. But that he didn't want anybody to find out that he wasn't ageing was the real reason to stay away.</p><p>"My cats have an Instagram account though," he said in an effort to say something that made him slightly interesting. <i>As if being a cat daddy would make me attractive in any way.</i> Magnus sighed.</p><p>"You have cats?" Alec was all smiles. "We had cats when I was a child. I miss having pets. Sadly my sister's boyfriend is allergic. But now that she's moving out I may think about it." "You're living with your sister?" Magnus asked marvelled. "Have been for two years. But now she and Si move in together. Will be strange to have the apartment all to myself." "Mmh," Magnus agreed.</p><p>"Can I see them?" Alec asked. "Whom?" "Your cats. You said they are on Instagram." Magnus nodded. He fished for his phone. "Do you want anything else to drink?" Alec said standing up. Magnus had totally forgotten that that's what you do in a bar - drinking. "Another jasmine tea would be great," he answered.</p><p>Alec got up and walked over to the bar. Would it be strange to order a beer for himself if Magnus only drank tee? The bored-looking bartender shuffled over and Alec went for a black coffee. Turning around he saw that Magnus had watched him intensely. "Liked what you saw?" Alec asked amused. Magnus looked down again. <i>Damn it! He's either <b>really</b> shy or ... Shit.</i></p><p>"May I ask you something, Magnus?" Alec shifted around on his chair. "Sure". Magnus still didn't look up. "Maybe I'm reading this all wrong. Maybe you're just not gay. Or are you still in the closet? That's okay." Magnus raised his head looking at him in a mixture of shock and something else he couldn't quite put the finger on. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, Magnus," Alec tried to comfort him.</p><p>There was a moment of silence and then Magnus slowly started laughing. "No, Alec, I'm not gay." "Oh." Alec swallowed. His gaydar was usually flawless. "But I'm out and proud for centuries," Magnus added amused. Alec frowned. Magnus could play this game too. "I'm bi," Magnus explained after watching Alec's confusion for a short while.</p><p>"Right," Alec laughed eventually. "That's an option, too." "One of many others," Magnus added. He gave Alec a wink that made the party planner feel warm and fuzzy inside. They looked in each other's eyes, both wearing private smiles. There was a sparkling tension between them and Magnus felt a swarm of butterflies attacking his belly. <i>Whoa.</i></p><p>Magnus coughed slightly. "You wanted to see my cats?" he lifted his phone. "Sure," Alec said, still smiling. They scrolled through the feed while Magnus talked about his cats. He was opening up more and more. Alec watched with amazement how Magnus' eyes lit up. His face was glowing. He was truly beautiful, relaxed like that. Alec's heart wanted to jump out of his chest.</p><p>"I found Chairman Meow abandoned in an alley near my apartment building," the warlock explained. Alec laughed about the name, but not unkindly. "T. S. Eliot would have written poems about him," Magnus insisted. "Do you like poetry?" Alec asked. Magnus hesitated. <i>Great, another degree on the boredom thermometer.</i> </p><p>"Yes, I actually do." Alec smiled softly. "Me too. Izzy always makes fun of me. But I take Robert Frost over Frosty the Snowman anytime." Magnus had to bite his tongue not to blur out that he had been friends with Jimmy Durante and watched the movie religiously every Christmas Eve.</p><p>"I'm more a Cummings guy, but whatever floats your boat," he said instead. Alec chuckled and turned back to the phone. "What's that?" he asked puzzled. "Oh, that was Chairman's birthday party." "You're throwing birthday parties for your cats?" "Noooo, Mr professional party planner. Just for the Chairman. Church is too grumpy for celebrations. I'm pretty sure he's planing my early demise." "Oh, it can't be <i>that</i> bad," Alec laughed. "You have <i>no idea</i>," Magnus insisted with a wide smile on his face.</p><p>They moved from grumpy cats to nerdy siblings, music, and tv shows. Magnus was taken aback by how many interests they shared. And Alec turned out to be a very caring big brother, hard-working entrepreneur, and culturally knowledgeable man. <i>Don't judge a book by its cover! You should know that by now, Bane. </i></p><p>Alec's flirting and teasing made him blush again and again. But Magnus didn't feel embarrassed anymore. He realised that it wasn't meant to make him feel bad. It was a form of endearment. Magnus would gladly walk around as a tomato for the rest of his life if it meant that Alec would look at him as fondly as he did every time he was successful.</p><p>At the end of the day they didn't really want to part. Alec insisted to walk him to the subway station. They stood next to the stairway in a long-reigning silence, both their faces adorned with smiles. Magnus finally spoke. "I should go." Alec nodded. "Will I see you again?" he asked, suddenly insecure. Magnus studied his expression. When he found what he was looking for he answered, "I would love that." Alec took his hand tenderly, stroking the back with the thumb. "Me, too," he said coyly. He leant into Magnus' space and kissed him softly on the cheek.</p><p>"Good night, Magnus." "Good night, Alexander." Alec smiled wide hearing his full name, took a last look at Magnus and walked away. Magnus watched him until he had vanished into the crowd. He walked in the other direction and portaled home.</p><p>Alec had been full of surprises and there was something new flowing through Magnus. Something that might become as integral to his being as the blue sparks that he had fought hard to contain when Alec's lips had touched him in ways a simple kiss on the cheek shouldn't be able to do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The questioning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Aaaaaaaand?" asked Izzy sitting on the couch, laptop on her knees. "It went well." Alec smiled. Izzy jumped up nearly crashing the computer. She ran to her brother and embraced him enthusiastically.</p><p>"Izzy, let me breathe," Alec laughed. "I'm just so happy for you, hermano!" his sister yelled. She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the sofa.</p><p>"He's really a great guy," Alec said, looking at their interlaced hands. "He was very shy in the beginning and I thought I had blown it right from the start. But he opened up when we talked about his cats. It was like watching a flower blossom in front of me when he finally started talking."</p><p>Alecs voice was full of affection. "He is smart and witty. I love the way he speaks. I don't know what it is. The syllables just roll off his tongue. And his voice is so soft. I can't imagine him ever raising it. He has the sweetest little smiles. And his eyes, Izzy. They make me feel all kind of things." Alec rubbed his free hand up and down his thigh.</p><p>"He's read and seen so many things. He's like a walking encyclopedia. But it's never boring to listen to him. And he is a great listener himself. I mean we talked for nine hours!"</p><p>Alec threw back his head. "Gosh, Izzy, what's happening to me?" Isabelle smiled. She had never heard her brother gush over anybody like this before. "You really got it bad," she snickered. "Did you kiss?" she asked cocking an eyebrow. </p><p>"No, not really. It didn't feel right. I gave him a peck on the cheek when we said goodbye. It appears to me that Magnus is rather oldfashioned."</p><p>Alec sighed. "Do I sound crazy?" "Not at all, Alec. You're just new to dating." She brushed a hand through his hair. "I have never met somebody like him before," Alec mused. His phone vibrated.</p><p>
  <b>Thank you for the wonderful afternoon/evening. I really enjoyed talking with you. I hope you got home safely. Sleep well, Alexander. M</b>
</p><p>He instanly answered.</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Just got home. I had a great time. Thank you. I hope to see you soon. Sleep tight, Magnus. A</b>
  </i>
</p><p>Alec smiled so wide that it hurt. Isabelle shook her head. It was wonderful to see him like this. But fear welled up in her. "Look after yourself, hermano. And if he hurts you, I will hurt him," she said with a sombre voice.</p><p>Alec laughed. "I know. I know what you did to Sebastian." "Well there's no use in taking kickboxing classes if you can't kick an ass when needed," she simply said. "I don't think that will be necessary with Magnus, but thank you, Izzy," he said. "Always, hermano." </p>
<hr/><p>"Aaaaaaaand?" Catarina asked. Magnus roamed through his apothecary moving things just to do something with the hand that didn't hold the phone. He smiled. "Oh, Cat, it's <i>really</i> bad," he chuckled. "Tell me everything," she ordered teasingly.</p><p>"I met him at the party. He was the one who let me in. Later we had a dance. And then he found me through this commercial Ragnor made me do. Oh, remember me to cancel that stupid thing! Whatever. I was much too early and it was terrible. I mean. It's a place where <i>he</i> seemed to belong, but you know me." "Mmh," Cat agreed, no words needed to understand her old friend.</p><p>"I really thought it was all just a game to him. But then he flirted and laughed with me. He took a real interest. And he is wise beyond his years." Magnus shook his head. "He even loves poetry. Could you imagine Camille reading Robert Frost?" Catarina snorted. "He sounds like quite the opposite of Camille." She took a deep breath. She asked gently, "Magnus, are you falling for him?"</p><p>"I don't know. I fear I do," Magnus answered honestly. "But I'm such a mess. I don't know if it's a good idea to drag him into all of this. Especially now that I have my magic back." He walked into the living room and let himself sink into the couch.</p><p>"You are <i>not</i> a mess. You just have hundreds of years worth of baggage. But he sure isn't a blank sheet of paper either. If there is something between you then it is worth exploring, don't you think?" Magnus exhaled audibly.</p><p>"He's just so young and handsome. He is outgoing and fits in stylish bars. I really do not understand why he asked me out. I would stick out like a sore thumb wherever he just blended in," Magnus sighed. "Opposites attract," Cat said matter-of-factly.</p><p>"He makes me feel so many things, Cat. What if he breaks my heart?" Catarina recollected herself. "I know that she hurt you badly. I picked up the million broken pieces of you, remember? But don't give her the power to take away your happiness. I know it's scary. But there is just one really important question: Do you <i>want</i> to see where this is leading to?"</p><p>"Yes, yes I do," Magnus answered under his breath. "Then go for it. I'm here whenever you need me. I really hope he'll make you happy. That's what you deserve, my friend. That and so much more."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The second date</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning Magnus woke up to a text from Alec.</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>Good morning, Magnus. I hope you had sweet dreams. ;-) Would you like to grab lunch or have dinner together? Sorry, I don't know what your schedule is like. I'm flexible. :-* A</i>
  </b>
</p><p>The emoticons made him blush. He smirked thinking that Alec probably had used them for this very reason.</p><p>It had not been a dream. This was real and the possibilities his future suddenly held were overwhelming. A second date just one day after the first. Weren't there dating rules young people normally stick to? Like waiting three days or something. Either Alec was a deliberate rule-breaker or he really liked him. The third option would be less charming. Something about the silent ones being loud in the ...</p><p>They had had such a great time together, talked about Proust and the quirks of the American voting system. Those were not really topics you talked about when you only wanted to get in somebody's pants. </p><p>Still, Magnus couldn't shed these thoughts as much as he wanted to. They hadn't talked about former relationships yet and Magnus would have loved to push this topic over the edge of the earth if it were flat. But at the same time, he really didn't want to end up heartbroken. He was a one soul at a time kind of man and he hadn't offered his heart on a silver plate for far too long to risk it for hazel eyes and beautiful long fingers adorned with artisan rings.</p><p>But he had told Cat the truth. He wanted to know where things would go with Alec. He wanted to be bold, just once. Not hiding, all out in the open.</p><p>But what if Alec would just take advantage of him? That's what Camille had done. She had fed him lie after lie about her eternal love, had used him as her personal little warlock, all while jumping from one lover to the next. And it had taken Magnus embarrassingly long to get to the point where forgiveness couldn't be given anymore.</p><p>He wouldn't make the same mistakes again. There just had to be things he wouldn't share with Alec at first. He wouldn't tell him about his magic or his wealth. And he would definitely not sleep with him. The thought alone made Magnus blush. Maybe he should come clear about that right away. But was sex really such a great topic for the second date? Maybe he was just overthinking. That's what Cat always said.</p><p>He groaned and let his head fall back into the pillow. How could this be so difficult? But it hadn't been when they had talked the previous day. Magnus hoped it would be the same today.</p><p>
  <b>Good morning, Alexander. I slept quite well. Thank you. I'm free for lunch. Where would you like to meet? M</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>Why don't you choose the place? A</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>There is this great Ethiopian and Italian fusion restaurant near my place. Unless you don't like any of those cuisines. M</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>I never had Ethiopian and I love Italian. :-)  Is 1 pm alright with you? A</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Yes. I have a client before noon and a break until 4 pm. M</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>I'm looking forward to see you again. A</i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Me, too. See you later. M</b>
</p>
<hr/><p>Alec entered the restaurant and scanned the room for Magnus. When he couldn't find him he chose a table next to the window front. The place was cosy, a mix of warm wood colours and woven fabrics. Beautiful art and trinkets gave a rustic yet elegant feeling. Alec wondered if Magnus' home looked like this. It was so different from the bar they had met, just like Alec's apartment with its clean lines and black'n'white colour scheme: practical but not homely.</p><p>When Magnus entered Alec couldn't suppress a grin. There seemed to be a theme to Magnus' attire: comfy trousers and a patterned shirt under a cardigan. On every other man, this outfit would be a turn off for Alec. But it suited this soft-spoken, shy man so well.</p><p>Magnus gave Alec one of his small smiles that made the younger man's heart skip a beat. The psychic had cast a spell over him and he wouldn't fight it. </p><p>"Hi," Magnus said softly. "Hey," Alec replied while Magnus sat down. They looked into each other's eyes and started to laugh simultaneously. "Sorry, I don't know what's appropriate to say on the second date. I haven't been on one for ages," Magnus said. "Me neither," explained Alec. Magnus studied Alec's face. He thought he saw a hint of pain there. But that topic wasn't a good conversation starter for sure.</p><p>What could have become an awkward silence was saved by someone calling from the back of the restaurant, "Magnus! Is it really you? I haven't seen you in like forever!" "Luigi, what a pleasure to see you again. Yes, I have been busy." "Too busy to eat your favourite gomen ba siga?" Magnus snickered. "Or is there someone keeping you away from here?" Luigi asked winking. Magnus blushed and Alec felt a little jealous that someone else had been the reason for it.</p><p>"Luigi, this is Alexander. We are ... on our second date," Magnus said, smiling bashfully. "Then it's good that you brought him here," said Luigi and handed them the menus. Well knowing what he would order, Magnus studied Alec instead. It was unfair how good looking he was. And he was the kind of man who seemed to fit in everywhere. Maybe it was his posture that radiated self-confidence. Maybe it was the aura of knowing who he was and what he wanted. Maybe it was the way every single movement was elegant and flowing.</p><p>Magnus looked back at the menu and asked, "Do you know what you want?" They ended up ordering several dishes to share. Most of them were too hot for Alec's taste. "I'm so sorry," Magnus said. "I sometimes forget that this is not to everyone's liking." "No worries. For me it's more about the company than the food," Alec said, taking a gulp from his wine glass. Magnus gave him another of his shy smiles.</p><p>"I really don't know what I am doing here," Magnus confessed. "What do you mean by that?" Alec asked softly and his voice opened all of Magnus' gates, made his thoughts and fears break like a dam. "I have no idea how dating works. I'm totally out of my comfort zone. And I want to be ... for you. But I also do not understand why you would enjoy my company. And I worry that you might not be serious. And I can't risk getting my heart broken again. It took me way too long to fix it the last time. Please, make me stop rambling." At that, Alec laid his hand on top of Magnus' and said, "It's okay." His voice was sympathetic. "Magnus, this ... you are new to me, too."</p><p>Magnus took a deep breath. "You must have been on many dates," he reckoned. Alec shifted around on his chair. "What do you mean?" Alec asked faking ignorance. "You know what I mean", Magnus insisted. Alec looked down at the table. He didn't like where the conversation was heading. This was much too early and Magnus would surely run for the hills. He felt Magnus' hand trembling underneath his own. He looked up. He could see that Magnus was scared. Alec wanted to comfort him, wanted to caress all his worries off his face.</p><p>He tenderly stroke over Magnus' knuckles and quietly said, "Okay. If you wanna know, I'll tell you." Magnus held his breath. "I've been in love once and he broke my heart. I never dated again." Magnus gave him a sad smile. "I can understand your feelings. Camille ... she nearly destroyed me." "I'm sorry," Alec murmured. The warlock shook his head, "Don't be. Whatever I felt for Camille, it's ancient history." Alec nodded. </p><p>"I never wanted to be in a relationship ever again ... until you came along." Alec tried to decipher the look on the other man's face. "I really want to get to know you, Magnus. I know my reputation precedes me ..." Magnus' eyes widened. "... but I want to give us a chance."</p><p>"Reputation?" Magnus asked. Something about this one word question made Alec angry. He had just told him that he was interested in a relationship and this was what he wanted to talk about!? He let go of Magnus' hand and sat back in his chair. "Yes, reputation," Alec hissed. "I am single, I like having fun, I like sex, I like hot guys. I didn't wallow in self-pity for two years denying myself the bloom side of life. This is who I am. And if you have a problem with that you should tell me now!" Alec sounded like a truculent child.</p><p>Magnus looked at him with piercing eyes and inwardly Alec deflated but he still appeared poised on the outside. Magnus leant his head to one side. "So, you're a bit of a Lothario," he said. There was no judgement in his voice, but Alec couldn't help asking, "Do you have a problem with that?" Magnus shook his head. "No. And I hope it doesn't bother you that it's been so long for me that I'm basically a virgin again." His own words made Magnus blush. But he had promised himself to be bold, and bold he was.</p><p>Alec's face lit up, his expression warm and pleased, a growing smirk on his lips. "I reckon one of us should know what they're doing," he said, raising his brow suggestively. Magnus laughed and it felt liberating. Alec couldn't take his eyes off him. Warmth travelled through his body and settled in his chest.</p><p>"You're beautiful, do you know that?" Alec asked. A perfect shade of crimson coloured Magnus' cheeks. "Nothing compared to you," he replied and interlaced their fingers. Alec's eyes dropped to Magnus' lips and he licked his own. Then he looked up again into sparkling eyes.</p><p>"What are you doing to me, Magnus Bane?" he asked with a wide smile. "Only good things, I hope," Magnus answered. Alec leant over the table and cupped Magnus face with his free hand. He tenderly brushed his thumb over Magnus's cheek. "The best", he whispered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p><p>- - -</p><p>Any Outlander fans here? Did you spot the quote? I just couldn't resist using it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The first kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When they left the restaurant Alec offered to walk Magnus home. He stretched out his hand and the warlock took it with a smile. "Lead the way," Alec said and Magnus chuckled softly. There were these butterflies again. But Magnus tried to chase them away.</p><p>He just had caught a glimpse of an angry Alec and he couldn't help but ask himself how much of it had been personal experience and how much projection. Or was that outburst the sign of a quick-tempered personality? He wouldn't be able to live with that. Not again. He reminded himself that he had met Alec less than 48 hours ago. He hardly knew him.</p><p>They walked in silence until they arrived at Magnus' building. "Is everything okay?" Alec asked, turning around to face the other man. "You barely said a word the whole way home." "Yes ... no." Magnus didn't know how to voice his concerns without saying something hurtful. "Is it about my outburst earlier?" Alec asked, nervously biting his lower lip. There was something akin to fear in his voice. "Kind of," Magnus answered quietly. </p><p>Alec looked down at their joined hands. "I'm very sorry. I heard often enough that I was a slut, even from people who had just hooked up with me. You gave me no reason to believe that you would judge me like that. It wasn't fair to let this out on you," Alec apologised. Magnus nodded. "You are forgiven", he accepted. Alec's eyes shot up and he saw Magnus' soft, open face. He felt relief washing over his body. "Thank you," he said.</p><p>"May I request that in the future you first check in on my opinion before jumping to conclusions?" Alec chuckled. "Yes, that sounds like a good idea." He paused. "It's just ... You're so ... innocent." Magnus briefly thought about all the things Alec didn't know about him, about his past. "In some ways," he finally said. "We just met and there is so much we don't know about each other. I just need to know that we are on the same page."</p><p>Alec shook his head in agreement. "I'm on the page where I want to go out with you - <i>only</i> you, get to know you, hold hands, maybe meet your cats," he offered. "I'd like that," Magnus said. "Very much so."</p><p>"I'm fully aware that my ... <i>history</i> might let you question my motives. And that's why I say it clear - we're moving at your pace. Whenever you're ready. I want this to work and it won't if you feel pressured or fear I only want the one thing from you," said Alec and Magnus felt something settle inside of him. "That sounds good," he agreed. "But I'll still woo you," Alec smirked. "I give you permission to court me," Magnus snickered. </p><p>"May I kiss you?" Alec asked softly.  Instead of answering the question Magnus just looked mesmerised at Alec's lips. "Do you not want to?" "No ... I mean yes. Of course, I do." Magnus blushed in embarrassment. "It's okay. I got you", Alec assured him. He caressed Magnus' cheek, leant down, and softly pressed his lips on Magnus'. The kiss was tender and sweet. It spoke of promises and hope. Their lips parted and they embraced each other. They held on until Magnus had to leave. He gently kissed Alec goodbye and climbed the stairs to his loft. He closed the door and leant against it. He could still feel Alec's lips on his. He welcomed the butterflies back in. He allowed himself to fall in love.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Worth the risk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec watched the door closing behind Magnus and stared at it for a moment. He couldn't believe it. Two days and he felt like another person. Or maybe that wasn't quite right. He felt like <i>himself</i> again. Magnus had truly unlocked something in him. He unlocked the version of Alec that was pushed away deep down in a dark corner of his heart, patiently waiting for the day to come to light again. The Alec who lived and not just existed. The Alec who felt and not just reacted on impulse. The Alec that was able to love another soul who wasn't family or friend. </p><p>He could have kicked himself when he had seen Magnus' sorrowful face. He had been <i>so close</i> to loose the most precious man. And for what? Defending the person he no longer wanted to be. He wasn't ashamed. No. This had been his life for two years and he couldn't find it in him to regret it. But there was a nagging feeling that if he had known that Magnus was out there then he would have waited for him.</p><p>Magnus who had been so graceful, who hadn't pushed him away, as deserved as it would have been. Alec was falling for the gentle man. He couldn't deny that and he didn't want to. It scared the shit out of him though. What if he messed up? He had only been in one real relationship - a toxic one at that. And it seemed as if Magnus had a similar experience. Would they be able to trust each other? Alec hoped. But would hope be a good basis to build something lasting on? Maybe it was the best basis in existence, Alec didn't know.</p><p>He called a cab and looked up at the building that was home to the man he wanted to be the centre of his life. Who he wanted to be his <i>home</i>. Alec quietly laughed at himself. Magnus Bane. He would hopefully not turn out to live up to his name. But if anybody was worth risking being plunged into ruin for it was surely him.</p><p>Driving back to work Alec thought of the kiss, the softness of Magnus' lips, the tender taste of desire. He thought about the sensation of holding Magnus in his arms and himself being held in his; warm, content, like they were made to hold each other. He smiled at that thought.</p><p>Reality would crash down as soon as he'd enter his office, his assistant Eileen waiting with an endless list of tasks and clients demanding impossible things. But for now, he allowed himself to indulge in the memory of Magnus' beautiful face, his smile, his hand in his own. </p>
<hr/><p>After the last client of the day had left Magnus' loft, he sat down on the couch, rubbing his tired eyes. He recalled the events of the day. What an emotional rollercoaster it had been. He couldn't wrap his head around it. Alec, this gorgeous, confident man wanted to be with him, would want to <i>wait</i> for him. He had seen the sincerity in Alec's eyes. There was no doubt that he had meant every single word.</p><p>With a snap of his fingers Magnus changed his clothes to something more comfortable and laid down. The Chairman jumped on his chest and the warlock softly stroked his fur. "I really hope you'll like him. I want him to stick around for as long as I can have him," Magnus said into the silent room and the cat cocked his head as if he understood every word. Not for the first time Magnus wished that the Chairman would be immortal, not Church.</p><p>He turned on the television and chose a sappy romcom. His thoughts shifted to Alec again and again. He imagined him on the sofa, cuddled up with him, watching sappy movies. He imagined them kissing, Alec's weight on top of him. There was just so much he wanted now with Alec in his life. Things he had denied himself just three days ago.</p><p>He just hoped that Alec wouldn't break his heart. He wasn't sure if he would ever recover from it if he did. But if anybody was worth risking ending up at the stake it was Alexander Lightwood. </p><p>Later when he went to sleep Magnus laid down on one side of the bed, imagining how it would be to have a tall, handsome, dark-haired man lying on the other side. He fantasised about waking up next to him. He softly stroked over the sheet on the empty side of the bed. <i>Soon.</i> He fell asleep with a smile on his face, dreaming of hazel eyes and tender lips.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Safe where we belong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the spirit of being brave Magnus invited Alec over to his loft. It would be their third date. The warlock wondered how many dates it would take to settle into a normality that would make them forget counting.</p><p>His magic became stronger and stronger with every little task he didn't fulfil the mundane way. He used it cleaning up the loft, straightening the biggest messes, setting the table, and conjuring the ingredients for the Italian dinner he had planned for the evening with Alec. Cooking it he would himself without magic.</p><p>The closer the time of Alec's arrival came, the more anxious he became. Sure, his clients entered his lair every day. But Alec wasn't just anybody. He wanted him to like his home, to feel at ease.</p><p>He wondered if the remnants of angel blood in Alec's veins would be enough to make him feel the new wards Magnus had put up around his lair. It had been invigorating to do what he once had been famous for. It had been him who had built and maintained the Institut's wards. Magnus chuckled to himself. He had known some of Alec's ancestors many lifetimes ago. But he sometimes could see small facets of them in the way Alec spoke or moved.</p><p>The knocking on the door jolted him out of his thoughts. He took a deep breath and opened the door, in front of him the vision of a well, but casually dressed Alec holding a bouquet of roses in his hands and a radiant smile on his lips.</p><p>"Hi," he said, presenting the flowers and Magnus inhaled the deep scent of the roses. It made him dizzy. But not as much as the kiss Alec pressed on his lips. It was delicious, better than any four-course meal in a three-star restaurant could ever be. "Hey," he answered after reemerging to catch his breath.</p><p>"Come in," he managed to say, gesturing in the living room's direction. Alec entered and took his shoes off. The sight of his large feet only dressed in stockings looked disconcertingly right and Magnus tried to concentrate on finding a vase. In the end, he quickly walked into the next room and conjured one.</p><p>"How was your day, darling?" Alec asked when Magnus put the flowers on the table. "Jolly good, even better now that you're here," Magnus answered. His words conjured an even bigger smile on Alec's face. "What about yours, Alexander?" the warlock enquired. "The same. Look what I had waiting for me," Alec cooed, painting a beautiful blush on Magnus' cheeks. He pulled the smaller man in his arms, resuming to kiss him.</p><p>They kissed for long minutes, tasting each other, exploring their mouths, eliciting sounds of pleasure out of one another. It was Magnus who broke the kiss reluctantly. "I need to check on the food," he explained. "You cooked for us?" Alec asked with bright eyes. In four years of relationship, Sebastian had never cooked for him unless there had been guests to impress.</p><p>"Make yourself comfortable," Magnus said and disappeared to the kitchen. With the other man out of his sight, Alec took in the space. There was a beautiful wooden table set with elegant tableware, ancient-looking silverware, decadent glasses, and cloth napkins, the wine already breathing in a crystal decanter.</p><p>The room was filled with a mixture of antiquities and the bookshelves were laden with old books. The walls were filled with paintings that Alec realised were originals. A well-organised chaos of busts, candles, decorations, papers, and books stacked on top of each other cluttered every possible surface. It was decadent and cosy at the same time.</p><p>Alec sat down on the plushy sofa that was covered in colourful satin cushions. Everything in this room seemed to speak of a refined taste and prodigality. It was such a sharp contrast to the attire of his occupier and still, it was so very much Magnus. All the things they had talked about sitting in the by way of comparison cool bar made so much more sense imagining them both sitting in this room nursing their hot beverages.</p><p>Magnus entered the room, the entree in his hand. "I hope you're hungry. I may have cooked for a whole battalion," he said shyly. "I'm starving," Alec answered and as if by command his stomach rumbled. They sat down laughing. Magnus was an excellent cook and Alec enjoyed every bite. The conversation flowed naturally and they relished in each other's company.</p><p>After dinner they settled on the sofa and Alec took hold of Magnus' hand, tenderly brushing his thumb over the knuckles. "You have a beautiful home. It's full of character." "Why thank you, Alexander," Magnus replied with a bashful smile. Alec raised his free hand and caressed his red glowing cheek. <i>He is so beautiful<i>, both thought at the same time.</i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Their lips met again and only parted when they were in need of air. Alec leant over Magnus who sank on the pillows. Alec deepened the kiss, his hands roamed over Magnus' jumper, and Magnus melted underneath him. It felt and tasted so good. Magnus thought of sunsets in Borobudur and eating éclairs on Montmartre. It was like coming home. And it was overwhelming. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec felt Magnus stiffen underneath him and pulled back immediately. "Are you okay?" he asked, searching in Magnus's eyes for what had gone wrong. "Yes ... yes. It's just ... so intense," Magnus said under his breath. Alec gave him a charming smile. "Then we should cool down a little," he suggested. Magnus nodded gratefully and straightened his jumper.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec watched him closely. "I'm sorry. I got carried away. That wasn't my intention. I never want to make you feel uncomfortable," he apologised, but Magnus shook his head in negation. "No, it's quite all right. I got carried away, too. It's too good - kissing you that is," he said feeling the heat rising up in his cheeks again. "Yes, it is indeed," Alec agreed laughing. "But we can stop anytime. Just tell me, should I ever not see the signs, okay? I meant it when I said I'll wait until you're ready." "I know. Thank you for proving it," Magnus replied.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>They went back to kissing each other but sitting up straight again, Magnus' hands around Alec's neck and Alec's hands on Magnus' waist. He could stay like this for eternity, Magnus thought. He felt safe with Alec. And Alec? He took everything that Magnus was giving him freely, soaking in the feeling of being right where he belonged.</i>
  </i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. The party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <i>Good morning, darling. I hope you had sweet dreams. :-* </i>
  </b>
</p><p>Waking up to a text from Alec had become one of Magnus' new favourite things. There had been a lot of new things in the last few days. But the early morning reminder that his newfound life wasn't a dream always gave his heart a little tug and made butterflies fly through his stomach.</p><p>
  <b>Good morning to you too, Alexander. I had the sweetest dream of a tall and handsome man with the most beautiful hazel eyes. It's a shame that I had to wake up to an empty bed. :-( </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>Well, we could change that if you want. You wouldn't hear me complaining. ;-) Waking up in your arms sounds like heaven. :-* </i>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Who said I was talking about you? :-P </b>
</p><p>It had taken Alec a day of not being able to see his boyfriend in person and a resulting constant conversation via text messages to find out that Magnus could be a real tease when he didn't have to stutter through a saucy remark or a sassy reply and could just type them. Alec loved this side of him. He hoped that one day Magnus would be comfortable enough around him to say them to his face.</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>That is not even a little bit funny, Magnus. But I will forgive you if you accompany me to Izzy and Simon's housewarming party. Are you free tonight? </i>
  </b>
</p><p>Magnus had known that this day was inevitably coming but he had hoped that the reprieve would be longer. His fingers hovered over the keyboard. He didn't want to disappoint Alec, but he had hoped to meet Alec's siblings for dinner, maybe even separately.</p><p>
  <b>A party? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>Yes. Just family and friends. Knowing my little sis and Si, there will be pizza, booze, and dancing. Nothing fancy.</i>
  </b>
</p><p>Family? Would his parents be there too? Magnus knew it was a big thing to be introduced to the siblings, but meeting the parents was a whole different kind of hell.</p><p>
  <b>I don't know. It sounds a little too intimate to bring a total stranger. </b>
</p><p>Magnus hoped that Alec would read between the lines. He wasn't so lucky.</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>No worries. Izzy asked me to invite you. It'll be fun. </i>
  </b>
</p><p>Magnus sighed. A ball of anxiety grew in the pit of his stomach. He didn't like gatherings of people and he disliked getting to know too many at once. And he most definitely didn't want Alec to see how awkward he was in any social context that wasn't concerning his best friends, scheduled clients or his boyfriend.</p><p>Magnus nervously bit on his lower lip. He could just say he wasn't free or cancel last minute faking he wasn't well. Both options made guilt wash over his body. He didn't want to lie to Alec. But he also <i>really</i> didn't want to go.</p><p>He scolded himself. He was hundreds of years old and afraid of a little get-together? He knew that his main concern was Alec seeing him like this. It was so early in their relationship. Maybe he would realise that Magnus wasn't the right man for him. The sheer thought made Magnus feel nauseated.</p><p>
  <b>I don't know. I'm pretty busy right now. </b>
</p><p>It wasn't even a white lie. He <i>was</i> busy. He had some potion orders that Ragnor had forwarded to him but hadn't managed to fulfil yet because Alec occupied his leisure time. Magnus had planned to make them in his usual working hours but he was fully booked with tarot readings for a long time ahead.</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>Pleeeeeeeeease! I want to show off my gorgeous boyfriend. And we don't need to stay long. </i>
  </b>
</p><p>Magnus took a deep breath. This was bound to happen sooner or later and relationships took effort. He had to bite the bullet. </p><p>
  <b>Okay. But you owe me at least 4h of live opera without falling asleep. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <i>Deal. :-D I pick you up at 7.30. </i>
  </b>
</p>
<hr/><p>Magnus had 30 minutes after his last client left. He took a quick shower, dried his hair magically, and got dressed with a snap of his finger. In the morning it had taken him nearly an hour to decide what to wear. Nothing seemed right. He wanted to make a good impression but assumed the hosts to be rather casual. The pictures Alec had shown him featured them in jeans and nerdy shirts. Magnus' usual armour of brown suit, patterned shirt and red belt would surely be over the top.</p><p>When he opened the door Alec looked at him in astonishment. He had never seen Magnus in jeans, tight ones at that. The warlock didn't exactly feel comfortable in them but he had hoped to blend in more easily. Alec gave him an approving whistle that let his cheeks explode in dark ruby. "You look amazing, darling!" he nearly shouted and his enthusiasm gave Magnus a little stab through his heart. Soon Alec would want him to change his whole attire. It was inevitable. But Magnus liked his comfy, subdued clothes and as much as he wanted Alec to like his appearance, he had sworn to high heaven that he wouldn't change just to please him. He had made this mistake with Camille and he wouldn't do it again.</p><p>"Everything all right?" Alec asked, not understanding why his boyfriend hadn't said a word yet. "Of course. You cleaned up very nicely, too." Alec scanned his face but Magnus planted a quick kiss on his lips and grabbed a bottle of wine. "Ready to go?" he asked in a voice that was just the tiniest bit too high. "Ready when you are," Alec answered not knowing what to make of the strange atmosphere surrounding his boyfriend.</p>
<hr/><p>Traffic was hell and when they finally arrived the party was in full swing. The music was loud, the crowd was even louder. Magnus had to let go of Alec's hand when they weaved through the small open plan living space that was filled with people chatting and dancing. Staying close behind Alec who moved like an icebreaker, Magnus' heart was in his mouth and nausea settled in his stomach. </p><p>When they found the hosts in the kitchen Izzy let out a shriek, jumped to give him a hug, and yelled, "So great to meet you, Magnus!" To say it was overwhelming would be an understatement. Magnus smiled in response but it didn't reach his eyes. Simon gave him a firm handshake and a big grin. "So, you're the famous Magnus Bane. I love your commercial." Magnus could hear the sincerity but it still confused him. "It's ... lovely to meet you two," he said, his voice trembling a little.</p><p>"Where are the others?" Alec asked looking around the room. "Clary and Jace are ...," she made a vague gesture to the living room, "and our parents are on the balcony. Max stayed home with a babysitter." "Time to meet the in-laws," Simon teased and Magnus felt his hands shaking. He clenched them into fists hoping to hide his nervousness.</p><p>Alec tucked at Magnus' sleeve, gave him a wink, and turned to move to the balcony. The warlock followed him hesitantly. With Alec a few steps ahead, Magnus had to push through the crowd. Dancing people bumped into him and the thought of portaling out of this overstuffed room was very tempting. His magic wanted to reach out to make him feel better and Magnus clenched his fists even tighter to keep in check the sparks he could feel rising underneath his skin.</p><p>When he finally made it to the small balcony he took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, but failing. He looked like a child ordered to the principal's office. His whole body was tense. Alec had just greeted his parents and turned around to introduce them to Magnus. For a second he wondered why his boyfriend wasn't meeting his eyes but he looked back to his mother when she said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Magnus. We heard great things about you." She offered her hand and Magnus had to consciously force himself to shake it. When Alec's father stretched out his hand he finally found his words again.</p><p>"Nice ... nice to meet you, too," he pressed out and shook Robert's hand. He could feel Alec's concerned gaze on him. He just wanted to run away from it all. This was humiliating. "Would you ... would you please excuse me. I ... I need to go to the bathroom," Magnus said and turned on the spot. He had no idea where the bathroom was. He just needed to get out of there.</p><p>He pressed himself through the noisy crowd, focussing on the front door. Everything would be better when he was on the other side. He could hear Alec calling his name but he didn't turn around. When he finally crossed the threshold he started to run. Entering the enclosed stairwell he created a portal to his living room.</p><p>Alec who had been behind him entered the staircase a few seconds later. He ran down the stairs as fast as he could and out of the building. He should have been able to catch up, but Magnus was gone. Alec called his name but got no answer. He didn't understand what had just happened. He grabbed his phone and dialled his boyfriend's number. After several ringing tones, the call went to voicemail. <i>Shit!</i></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Alec tried calling him again. The engaged signal at least showed him that his boyfriend had taken his phone to the party. He probably was calling a cab. Alec decided to do the same. Afterwards, he tried Magnus' number again. He went straight to voicemail. Did Magnus switch his phone off? Why?</p><p>It felt like an eternity but eventually, he knocked at Magnus' front door. It took some time until he heard steps approaching the door. To his surprise, it wasn't his boyfriend opening the door, but a woman. She had a friendly face. Her black hair was put up in a ponytail and she was wearing scrubs.</p><p>"You must be Alexander," she said softly. "Yes, I'm Alec. And who are you?" His voice had a sharp edge, but the woman either didn't hear it or decided to ignore it. "I am Catarina, a friend of Magnus," she explained. "Is he home? Is he okay?" Alec asked anxiously. "He is and he will be," she supplied. "I want to see him," Alec demanded but Cat didn't budge. "I think it's better when you give him some time," she said, laying a hand soothingly on Alec's arm. "He'll call you tomorrow." "No, I want to talk to him <b>now</b>!" he insisted. Catarina shook her head. "I don't think that he wants you to see him like that," she tried, but Alec was having none of it. Catarina sighed. "I ask him, okay?" Alec nodded and she closed the door, leaving him standing outside in the hallway.</p><p>Waiting was torture. Alec played back the events of the evening. They had just arrived, everyone was friendly to him. Why had Magnus left without saying a word? Alec couldn't wrap his head around it. He had thought that the party would be a good distraction from the tension Magnus surely would feel when meeting his family. They wouldn't be able to focus on him and drill him with questions.</p><p>The longer he waited the more he questioned the whole situation. He knew that Cat was one of Magnus' best friends. Of course, he would have called her when being in distress. The thought made Alec's heart clench hurtfully. Why couldn't he talk to him? Didn't he trust him?</p><p>The opening of the door ripped him out of his thoughts. "He's ready to see you," Catarina simply said and he slipped past her. He found Magnus in the living room, sitting on the sofa. His head was bowed down and he was looking at his hands that were lying in his lap. He didn't move and Alec wasn't sure what to do. He had never seen his boyfriend like this before. He swallowed hard. Slowly he walked to the sofa and kneeled in front of Magnus. He wanted to take him in his arms, stroking away whatever was haunting him. But something didn't allow him to touch. His hands flinched.</p><p>"What happened?" Alec asked gently. He hoped that Magnus would look into his eyes, hoped he could see the answers to the million questions running through his head. But Magnus didn't move and remained silent. Alec tried again. "Did I do something wrong?" A noise - half laugh, half sob - escaped Magnus' mouth. He sounded bitter. Alec bit his lower lip so hard he could taste blood. They stayed like this for a while until Alec couldn't stand the silence between them any longer.</p><p>"Tell me how to fix this," he pleaded, but Magnus only shook his head. "Magnus," Cat's voice came from the entrance, "you need to talk to him." Magnus' head shot up and he locked eyes with her. A whole conversation seemed to flow between them, one that only comes with knowing each other's heart and soul.</p><p>Alec could see the tear trails on Magnus' cheeks. They made his stomach twist. He heard Cat puff behind him. "My shift is starting soon. I need to go. Talk to him!" It was obviously an order.</p><p>When she left, Magnus lowered his head again. Alec moved a little. His legs began to hurt. Magnus shifted to the closest end of the sofa and waved his hand, indicating Alec to sit down on the other side. He complied.</p><p>Again there was a long, heavy silence between them. Alec studied his boyfriend who was sitting there, body slumped and shoulders slouched. Alec was at the point of speaking again when Magnus finally opened his mouth. "I'm sorry." His voice sounded wretched. "For what?" Alec asked softly. Magnus waved his hands up and down, pointing at himself.</p><p>"What happened?" Alec repeated. "Just me ... not being able to act like a normal person," Magnus explained and started to cry as shame washed over his body. He turned his head away, hoping Alec wouldn't see the tears that were painting silver trails onto his cheeks. But his boyfriend just shifted next to him and softly gripped his chin. Tenderly he moved his head to face him. He whispered, "It's okay, darling. It's alright." Magnus didn't dare to meet his gaze. Alec shifted his hand to cup his cheek and drew soothing circles on the damp skin.</p><p>"Something stressed you out. Can you explain it to me? I just want to understand." Magnus shrugged his shoulders. "It's just ...," he fished for words. "It's just ... I'm not good ... with crowds." He sighed. "And I'm ... not good with ... with meeting new people in ... in packs." He nearly snorted about his own choice of words, thinking about the werewolves he avoided like the plague, all but Luke who was a client turned friend. Either way, the sound got stuck in his throat that was way too tight.</p><p>Alec shook his head in understanding. "This must have been tough for you. I'm sorry. I thought ...," Alec stopped himself. "It doesn't matter what I thought. Why didn't you tell me?" Magnus took in an audible breath. "I worried that ...," he trailed off. "What were you worried about?" Alec asked patiently, still caressing Magnus' cheek. "... that you'd think less of me." </p><p>"Why should I?" His voice was still soft though it had a slight edge to it. Magnus laughed, but it was broken and bitter. It spoke of a history of hurt and rejection. "You wouldn't be the first who left me because of it," he said under his breath. The words hit Alec like a punch. Anger was crawling underneath his skin. But he reigned it in. He wasn't angry with Magnus, he was mad at those who had hurt his boyfriend. </p><p>"Those people weren't arseholes by any chance?" he tried to lighten the mood. It earned him an ungraceful snort. "They very well may have been," Magnus agreed, a cautious smile growing on his face. Alec moved his hand to the back of Magnus' head and tugged him tenderly to rest on his shoulder. "You never have to pretend how you feel. Especially not with me," he murmured into his hair. "I told you before. I don't want you to feel pressured to do anything that you are not comfortable with. That's not just about the bedroom. Your happiness is the most important thing to me."</p><p>"But what about what's making you happy?" Magnus objected. "I don't want you to try to suit me and my quirks." Alec drew in a deep breath. "I won't give up who I am and what I like, just like you shouldn't. We are two individuals who enjoy being together, right?" Magnus shook his head in agreement. "Then we'll make it work. You'll grant time for the things you care about as will I. And we'll take time for being together. Sometimes those things will overlap, sometimes not. But that's okay."</p><p>Alec kissed Magnus' hair and drew his boyfriend as close as he could. "I want to be with <i>you</i>. Not the version you think would match my life. The real you. I know that relationships change people. That's a given. But I don't want any of us to pretend to like things just to please the other." </p><p>Magnus pulled himself back a bit to look into Alec's eyes. He thought back to the way Alec had reacted at his arrival. "Let's say I will never ever wear these jeans again - or any for that matter - this is okay with you?" he asked. "If you don't like wearing jeans I don't want you to. Just because I think you look especially hot in them doesn't give me the right to see you in them. We can burn them if you want." Magnus laughed. This time it was freer and Alec joined in relief. He pressed a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead and smiled down at him.</p><p>"Can you hold me a little longer? Or am I too needy?" Magnus asked a subtle colouring of anxiety in his voice. "Your needs are important to me," Alec whispered a little hoarsely, "and I very much would love to hold you as long as you need."</p><p>They held each other for a long time before falling asleep cuddled up on the couch. Their backs might have hurt the next morning, but none of them would admit that. They had spent their first night together and it wouldn't be the last.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The writing on the wall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>I want to be with you. Not the version you think would match my life. The real you.</i> </p><p>The words echoed in Magnus' head. They made him happy and fearful at the same time. He had promised himself to keep parts of himself hidden from Alec as long as their relationship wasn't established. But it dawned on him that this would never be the case until he came clean about who he was. But the thing growing between them was still so new.</p><p>Magnus looked at the younger man sleeping next to him. In their short time together they had already confronted several storms and had made it to the other side, stronger than before. But this was big! Magic? Immortality? Magnus had loved mortals before but no one had ever stuck around long enough to find out what it would look like to love him and being loved by him forever, for how long this forever might be. Magnus feared that Alec would just be the next in line, the next to turn his back and leave his life.</p><p>He wanted this. He wanted Alec. And he wanted Alec to see <i>him</i>, to love <i>him</i>. There was no way around telling him. If Magnus only knew how to break it to him without chasing him away.</p><p>"I can hear you thinking," a muffled voice came from the other side of the bed. Magnus smiled. What he would give to hear this voice every morning for the rest of his life. "Good morning, Alexander," he greeted looking at the adorable bedhead. He liked Alec coiffured and gelled, he loved him in soft waves when he didn't use any products, but the feelings his unruly morning hair prompted inside of him - humans hadn't created a word for it yet.</p><p>He run his fingers through Alec's hair and his boyfriend hummed relishing in the touch. "Good morning," Alec said with a still tired smile. He crawled a little closer opening his arms and Magnus nestled down in them. They both couldn't sleep while being entangled. But the first thing they did in the morning was holding each other close, enjoying their little bubble as long as they could.</p><p>This morning the cuddling was cut short by a scratch at the door. "Chairman is hungry," Magnus groaned and Alec smiled. He loved Magnus' cats. Okay, Church not so much. That grumpy cat really tested his nerves sometimes. But still. They gave Magnus' unique loft a homely feeling. The way they sometimes prowled around Alec's feet or settled in his lap made him feel like he belonged here. It was a strange, but a welcome feeling. The loft was becoming his home. He slept here every night, more and more clothes of him had found their way into Magnus' wardrobe, and you could always find work-related stuff lying in the living room.</p><p>Alec looked at his boyfriend with tender eyes. With Magnus, everything was so easy. Not without pitfalls, no. But they always found the right words or deeds to solve their problems. No matter how different they were, there was a mutual trust that everything - no matter what - could be dealt with if they worked on it together. Alec didn't understand how this was even possible. They only met a few weeks ago and he was already in so deep. </p><p>Alec got up - not without Magnus' protest - and left the bedroom to feed the cats. He scratched Chairman meow behind his ears. Then he turned around to switch on the coffee maker. He had been nervous when he had asked Magnus to bring it over. At first, his boyfriend had joked he could conjure him the perfect coffee every morning. But if bringing the machine meant he'd spend every night with him he would gladly make some space for it. Alec wasn't sure if this meant that they were officially living together. But Alec didn't care about labels. He didn't care about dating rules. He was content with what they had. It was good, it was real.</p><p>Still, sometimes he felt a tinge of something he couldn't quite put the finger on. An unsolved mystery, something pushing to get to the surface or lurking in the shadows. There were strange clients leaving with packages in hand. Once there had been this dark-suited man who had made Alec's flesh crawl. The man had sniffed the air at his arrival and had hissed 'angel blood' through gritted teeth. Magnus had told him to never come again.</p><p>And then there were these strange 'visions'. Not every night but again and again in the space between consciousness and sleep, a second or two before Alec's eyes fell close, his mind played a trick on him. He faintly saw humming lines painted on the walls of Magnus' bedroom. When he fell asleep on the couch the roomes seemed to be shifted and a door appeared where usually wasn't one. At times he could see all of it more clearly in his dreams. There was a repeating one. He walked through the hallway. At least he thought it was him. He stepped to the door that didn't exist in real life and stretched out his hand to take hold of the door handle. It looked like his hand but there was a tattoo on his forearm. He pushed the handle. He saw old shelves filled like an apothecary from years past. There was the noise of clattering crockery and a liquid boiling. He could hear a man humming. Was it Magnus? He wouldn't know. At that point, Alec always woke up.</p><p>Maybe it was just Magnus' loft. It was other-worldly in a way, just like the man who occupied its space. Alec didn't know Magnus' real age, it changed every time he asked. But he guessed him to be around thirty. It was a mystery to Alec how all the knowledge, experience, and wisdom Magnus shared with him could be achieved in so few years. But maybe it wasn't like that. </p><p>He knew that there was darkness in Magnus' past. He deflected every question about his childhood. Alec had realised that there had to be a dysfunctional family at least, maybe even child abuse. He could see it in Magnus' eyes whenever he told a story that showed how loving and caring his father was. And he had seen it up close when his parents had come over to dinner and Magnus nearly had cried when his mother had shown him pictures from Alec's happy childhood. His parents might have read them as tears of joy or amusement, but Alec had detected pain in his boyfriend's eyes, the same ache that he had seen in the aftermath of the party.</p><p>Alec didn't want to push. If for fear of what might change if he knew the truth or out of respect of Magnus' privacy he didn't know. Maybe both. Most of the time he pushed these thoughts away. He wanted to enjoy life with his boyfriend. Nothing more, nothing less.</p><p>But then all came crashing down on him. Not in little easily digestible bites, no. It crashed on him like an avalanche and Alec didn't know if he would ever see the light again. The light that had a name - Magnus.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The attack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This was a long time coming. Magnus had known that it would come to haunt him. But at the time it had seemed to be the right thing to do. Magnus still thought so. It had been one of those weird coincidences, some might call it fate. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>Magnus was walking home after visiting an art exhibition. The streets were mainly empty after a day of rain that just had subsided. Magnus enjoyed the tranquillity that you couldn't find often in the streets of the city that never sleeps.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>A growling cut through the peaceful night. It sent shivers down his spine. He knew there was only one creature able to make such a noise. Werewolves. Once he had fought with them side by side. But since all demons had been banished and the shadow world had to assimilate the werewolf population had reduced significantly. They were the only downworlders who weren't immortal and most alphas tried to keep their pack from turning people. But not all and their packs were a dangerous bunch.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Magnus just wanted to get away as fast as he could. He didn't want to mingle in werewolf business and he for sure didn't want to get in the way of an angry one without his magic to protect him. But it wasn't his choice to make.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He saw him coming. Green eyes, tall frame, dark skin that showed deep cuts that had healed not a long time ago. But that wasn't what shocked him. He had seen his fair share of newly turned werewolves. What made him shudder was that he knew the man. He was one of his clients: It was Luke.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The werewolf looked at him with glassy eyes. Magnus wasn't sure if he recognised him. "Hey, Luke," he approached him cautiously. "Do you remember who I am?" Luke nodded. "Do you know what happened to you?" Magnus asked but the other man shook his head no. "I'll explain later but first we need to get you out of here ... and dressed," Magnus said. He led Luke back into the darkness of the backstreet, telling him that everything was going to be okay. Then he pulled out his phone and called Catarina. They had to portal him to a safe place. She arrived a few minutes later. Luke's eyes widened when the portal appeared. With one look Cat grasped what needed to be done. She dressed Luke with a snap of her finger and led them through the portal.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>At her lair she scanned him for injuries. He was okay physically and for someone with more questions than answers, he was surprisingly calm. He had gone through a lot. The man who had turned him was a colleague. He wasn't a rogue werewolf. He was the second-in-command of the New York pack.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Maybe it was Luke's police training that made him not flinch an eye while telling his story. He still stayed calm and soaked in all information Cat and Magnus provided him with. He was mainly silent just nodding here and there to signal his understanding. In the end, the only thing he asked was if it was obligatory for him to join the pack. The warlocks told him that it was a common way but not necessary. Cat voiced her concern that the turning might have been planned to strengthen the declining pack and that they would try to put him under pressure.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The very next day it became clear that Luke couldn't stay in the police force. Too many of his colleagues were members of the pack. Luke started a new life. Cat equipped him with powerful amulets to deflect the awareness of werewolves. Magnus provided him with a commercial space in one of the buildings he owned and gifted him a fair share of his antiquarian books. He often visited the soft-spoken man in his shop. Like with Raphael before he grew to think of him as his son.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>"You're such a nerd," Izzy exclaimed earning herself an eye-roll. They had met for brunch. Magnus felt more and more comfortable around Alec's sister and her boyfriend. They had welcomed him with open arms, never mentioning the 'incident'. He felt free to be himself around them. That's how Alec and he happened to have a heated discussion in front of them about whether or not it was acceptable to give the lead character of the opera 'Carmen' to a soprano singer instead of a mezzo-soprano.</p><p>"She's not wrong," Magnus agreed. "We sound like them when they are discussing Dr Who." They all laughed. It was so easy. They made Magnus feel like part of the family. Deep inside his heart, he hoped that one day he would be. But that was far away from now. They hadn't used the L-word yet - at least not aloud. They had had a few steamy but fully clothed makeout sessions, but there wasn't a lot of progress on the physical side of their relationship. Marriage, maybe even having their own family weren't topics they discussed. Alec dreamt about it though as did Magnus.</p><p>After brunch the couples parted ways and the two men walked home. It was a sunny day and they enjoyed themselves, sharing laughs and kisses. There was sexual tension building up between them and when they entered the hallway Alec turned Magnus around to face him. He kissed him while walking him backwards to the loft. </p><p>That's why Magnus saw them coming first. Four tall men were standing at the end of the hallway. One of them flashed his green eyes for a second showing they weren't fully human. The warlock froze. <i>Shit! Shit! Shit!</i></p><p>"Well, well, well. Look who's here!" one of the men - the alpha - growled, danger colouring his deep bass. Alec turned around swiftly and looked at them with big eyes. He blocked Magnus' view. The warlock took a step to the side, fixing his gaze on the man who just had spoken. He tried to slip past Alec but the taller man held him back with a strong arm.</p><p>"Too afraid to face us yourself, Bane?" the alpha asked. "Need your little toyboy to guard your life?" Alec's eyes twitched when he realised that Magnus knew this man. "Ah, I forgot. You lost your magic touch." Alec frowned and took a quick glance at Magnus. His face seemed emotionless but his eyes spoke of the turmoil inside of him.</p><p>Magnus had realised how carefully the Alpha had worded his sentences. He didn't plan to reveal the shadow world to Alec. Magnus steeled himself and spoke with a firm voice, "What do you want?" Alec had never heard him talk like that before. It was nearly authoritative. "Luke Garroway," the man answered.</p><p>"What makes you think I can provide assistance regarding him?" Magnus asked. The sound of his voice did things to Alec's intestines, but he pushed it aside. This was a dangerous situation, he could feel it.</p><p>"You and your friends might protect him, but your <i>charm</i> doesn't work well with commercials." Understanding hit Magnus hard. He hadn't thought of that when he had asked Luke to join. But why did they come to him? Couldn't they find him? Were Catarina's spells and wards so strong that they still couldn't get hold of him? The thought gave him some relief.</p><p>"I don't know where he is," Magnus lied. "Really?" the man asked, his voice sharp as a knife. "Maybe we need to start off your memory then", the alpha impended. The four men stepped closer and Alec saw they had daggers in their hands. Instinctively he stepped back, pushing Magnus with him. There was no way out. The men already blocked the elevator and the staircase. When Magnus hit the wall at the end of the hallway Alec knew they were screwed.</p><p>"We'll have fun with your little boyfriend," the alpha mused. "He's pretty. I wonder what he sees in you. A weak and plain has-been." He pierced Alec with his gaze. "Or will you miss your sugar daddy?" Alec's eyes grew in fear. He tried to process the words he just heard. Nothing made sense anymore.</p><p>The alpha and his crew stepped closer, their blades an obvious threat to their lives. Alec closed his eyes in fear when one of the blades touched his throat and strong hands gripped his shoulders. They would take him, maybe kill him. The panic made him freeze. And then it happened. There was white noise and the touches ended. Then there was a sound of something flying to the opposite wall and bumping back down to earth. When Alec opened his eyes he saw the four men lying on the other end of the hallway already raising again. He felt Magnus hands pushing him to the side and his boyfriend sliding in front of him. "Stay behind me. Don't move!" Magnus commanded. What the hell was going on?</p><p>Magnus raised his hands and blue light and sparkles shot out of them. Alec looked at him in horror when the magic pinned the men to the wall. "Never touch again what's mine," he threatened. "Everyone who dares to touch him or anybody I care about will pay for it!" Magnus yelled. He let his magic lift the men off the wall only to throw them back against it. "Did I make myself clear?" he asked gritting his teeth. The men nodded in agreement. Magnus let them fall. "Get out of here and don't you dare come back ever again!" he shouted furiously. Fully intimidated the werewolves stumbled out of the hallway.</p><p>When they were out of sight Magnus turned around to check on Alec who was leaning at the wall. "Are you okay?" Magnus asked full of sorrow. Alec just looked at him in shock. His knees gave out, but Magnus saved him from falling. He cradled Alec in his arms and carried him to the loft. "I'm so sorry," he murmured. "I'm so sorry." Alec still said nothing. He just stared at him, his face now an unreadable mask.</p><p>Magnus sat him down on one end of the sofa and took a deep breath before sitting down on the other side. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Then he said what scared him the most, "I guess you have many questions."</p><p>Alec looked at him. His mouth opened and closed several times as if he didn't know how to frame his question. What finally came out made Magnus wince. "What are you?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Revelations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>What! Not who. What!</i> The wording couldn't have been much worse and it took Magnus a moment to centre himself. The adrenaline was still pumping through him and he <b>really</b> didn't want to lash out. This was Alec. His beloved Alexander who had just found out that his boyfriend was <b>very different</b>. He had to be lenient toward him. Maybe he would understand. Maybe he wouldn't freak out. And maybe, just maybe he would stay.</p><p>"I am a warlock." Alec stared at him. "I practise magic," Magnus elaborated. It sounded like a medical profession and not like magic was an integral part of his very being, as if it wouldn't be a living part of him. The silence grew thick and heavy between them. A thousand questions were running wild through Alec's mind and a thousand fears through Magnus'.</p><p>The warlock felt panic building up in his chest. He had to stop spiralling. "Please, say something, Alexander. Anything, anything is better than silentness." Alec looked up and locked eyes with him. Magnus couldn't read the impression on his face. "Why?" was finally his question. </p><p>"Why?" Magnus wasn't sure what Alec meant. Why didn't he tell him? Why he was a warlock? Why the men had come after them? "What exactly is it you want to know?"</p><p>"Why was Catarina already here and had calmed you down from what you told me was a panic attack? It shouldn't have taken me much longer to arrive after you. And you probably should have had your panic attack in the cab, not at home." The question caught Magnus off guard. His brain short-circuited.</p><p>"I ... I portaled home ... and she portaled here after I called her," he explained, still confused. "But why is that so important now?" Alec started laughing. It was a low, earth-shattering laugh originating from deep inside his belly. Magnus looked at him, fearing a mental breakdown. But Alec only relaxed into the pillows. "I should have known. All these strange little things that didn't make sense. You always being way too early though you're diary is overflowing. Your strange little deliveries to creepy clients. All those jokes about conjuring coffee for me. The things you know, the things you own. The strange lines on your walls when I fall asleep. The dreams about a hidden room. It all makes sense now. You're magical!" Alec shook his head in a mixture of disbelief and amusement. </p><p>"You can see my wards?" Magnus asked flabbergasted. "Your what?" With a movement of Magnus' hand, his wards became visible. "Wow!" Alec looked around. "I only got a glimpse of them. They are beautiful." Alec was in awe. You built them? "Yes. They once were my pride and joy," he admitted. "Once?" "Well, not many need them anymore. Magic has mainly vanished from this earth since the last demon was banished."</p><p>Alec's eyes widened comically. "Yes, Alexander," Magnus snickered. "All the legends are true." "All?" "Pretty much. The tooth fairy and Santa Clause not, they are modern inventions. But demons, angels, vampires, werewolves, seelies - though mundanes mostly call them fairies what they are not too fond of." Alec looked at him in wonder. "You talk about them as if they still exist."</p><p>"They do. But the seelies live in their own realm apart from this world. After the war, they closed themselves off like most of us. There was no use in a lot of our skills after there were no more demons to fight. Even the shadowhunters who were very keen on controlling us downworlders closed their institutes and lived on as mundanes." </p><p>Magnus looked at Alec who tried to process all that he had heard. "I know, it's a lot. But maybe we could postpone the history lesson. You surely have more personal questions to ask," Magnus offered although he feared them. <i>Let's get it over with.</i></p><p>Alec looked at him. "Yeah. Are you okay?" "What? Why?", Magnus asked in confusion. "You were attacked. And you had to reveal who you are just to protect me, maybe even safe my very life. This must be difficult for you." Magnus laughed in disbelief. Shaking his head he confessed, "You never cease to amaze me, Alexander. In my very long life, people asked me many questions when they learnt about my true nature. But no one ever asked me something like this."</p><p>"Wait, how old are you?" Alec cocked an eyebrow. Magnus looked at him cautiously. "Long enough to know from personal experience that Bizet would throw a tantrum if he heard a soprano sing the Carmen. Unfortunately, he died shortly after the premiere." "You met Bizet?" "Yes," he answered gingerly. "Who else did you meet? Come on, spill!" Alec requested. "I'm not one to drop names but if you insist. Well, there was this weekend with Shakespeare where we got so wasted that we created new words together. He loved doing that. And I remember one night with Casanova in the Doge’s Palace. But he wasn't as brazen as he wanted the world to believe." They both chuckled.</p><p>With a more serious face Magnus asked, "Why don't you ask me all the usual questions?" "Which would be?" "Well the first would be: 'Why didn't you tell me?'" "I guess I know the answer," Alec shrugged. "You weren't ready. And that's okay. There are things I'm not ready to tell you either. Not yet. What else?" "Well, 'What are your powers' would be another one." "I saw what you are capable of today. I hope you will tell me more about them just like about the history I don't know anything of." </p><p>"You do?" Magnus asked surprised. "But of course. Why wouldn't I?" Magnus fiddled on the hem of his cardigan. "Just because you're curious or ...," he trailed off. Alec looked at him frowning. "Or what?" "I mean, do you still want to be with me? With <i>me</i> or just for what I can offer you?" Magnus sounded fragile. Alec cradled his boyfriend's face in his hands. "I want to be with <i>you</i>. The warlock thing is ... a bit intimidating. It will take some time to wrap my head around all of that. But I fell in love with you before I knew about it. And my feelings for you haven't changed. I'm just happy that you don't need to hide anymore. Not from me at least."</p><p>Magnus breathed out in relief. "I love you," he confessed. "I know," Alec said in his best Han Solo impersonation. Magnus snickered, "You do?" "Yes, in some way you confessed it earlier. Remember? You told them I was yours. A bit possessive but I kind of like that side of you," he grinned and gave Magnus a deep kiss. "I love you, too."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The morning after</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning Alec woke up to an empty bed. Rubbing his eyes he pulled himself up. He heard noises from somewhere in the loft. He shuffled into the hallway when the realisation hit. There it was. He had to dream again. He looked down at his arms. No tattoos this time. Slowly he approached the half-opened door. He heard someone humming and this time he knew it was his boyfriend. </p><p>Alec gently pushed the door fully open. Passing the threshold he saw Magnus. His back was facing him and Alec could see that he was reading an old leatherbound book while adding ingredients to a boiling red liquid that was simmering in a big glass bowl. Magnus' hands moved like choreographed, every motion soft and fluid. It was a sight to behold. </p><p>Alec took it all in. "Does it look like in your dreams?" Magnus' voice startled him. "Ehm, I had only seen a bit through a crack of the door. I was never inside, actually," he explained. Magnus hummed. "What are you doing?" Alec asked curiously. "Preparing something for you," he answered cryptically and turned around. He stretched out his hand and asked, "Could I have your leather bands, please?"</p><p>Alec cocked an eyebrow but started to remove them nonetheless. "What do you need them for?" "Do you remember that the werewolves couldn't get hold of Luke due to the amulet Cat made for him?" Alec nodded. "I know you're not a necklace wearing guy but you always have these bands on your wrist day and night even under your dress shirts." Alec shook his head again but still looked clueless. "Oh, you look so cute when you're confused," Magnus chuckled.</p><p>"Now that others know that I have my magic back <i>and</i> that you are my boyfriend I thought it to be appropriate to make you something that protects you," the warlock explained. "I can use the bands as they are but the spell would be more powerful if I could add some silver. Would you mind if I did that?" Alec was left speechless. "You can do that?" "Why of course." Magnus shrugged as if it was nothing. He laid the bands on his worktable and let his hand hover over them. Thin strands of silver were weaving themselves around one of the leather bands, subtly gleaming in the morning light.</p><p>"Is this too much?" Magnus asked insecurely. "It's beautiful," Alec answered in awe. "Thank you, darling." He pressed a soft kiss on Magnus' cheek. "How does the spell work?" he asked inquisitively. "It's a very strong deflection spell. It distracts Downworlders when they are around you unless I've kind of woven them in. It's complicated to explain how exactly the magic works. But I think you get the gist of it." Alec nodded in agreement. </p><p>"And what is that?" Alec asked looking at the simmering liquid that had changed its colour to a dark ocean blue in the meantime. "That's for a client's order. It's ... how do I put it ..." His cheeks became crimson red. "It's like viagra for vampires." Alec chuckled. "You crushed these guys yesterday, being all authoritative - which is rather hot by the way, and you're still beautifully blushing," he snickered and pulled the warlock in his arms. He studied Magnus' features now he held him so close and looked into his eyes.</p><p>"May I see them again?" "The werewolves?" Magnus asked befuddled. Alec laughed out loud. "No, your eyes. Your real eyes", he explained. Magnus' face paled. "When? ... Oh." He looked down. "What is it?" Alec asked feeling his boyfriend stiffen in his arms. "I wasn't aware that my glamour slipped. I'm sorry you had to see them," Magnus murmured. Alec was confused. "Why are you apologising? They are beautiful!" Magnus looked at him in disbelief. "They are my warlock mark. Usually, people run away screaming when they see them." </p><p>Alec drew him even closer and Magnus pressed his cheek into Alec's chest. The taller man brushed through his boyfriend's hair, fingers circling gently over his scalp. He whispered in his ear, "They are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen." He heard Magnus sniffing and felt his shirt dampen. He pulled back, just enough to cup Magnus' face and stroked away the tears. "I know I can't take away the memories of all the people who hurt you. But I promise that we will make enough memories together to push those over the edge until only good ones remain."</p><p>He softly pressed his lips on Magnus' who reciprocated the kiss. It was tender and sweet. Their hands roamed over their backs and sides. The kiss deepened and both felt arousal floating through their veins. "Maybe ...," Magnus pressed out between two kisses. "Maybe we should take this to the bedroom?" Alec's eyes lit up. "I would like nothing better than that," he agreed.</p><p>With a snap of his fingers Magnus stopped the Bunsen burner underneath the potion and resumed kissing his boyfriend. He pushed him backwards and - still kissing - slowly walked him to his room until Alec's legs touched the bed. Magnus' hands wandered underneath Alec's shirt caressing his skin there for the first time, so warm and soft. Feeling the well-defined muscles underneath his fingertips sent a shiver down Magnus' spine.</p><p>Alec's hands pushed up Magnus' cardigan a little and tugged on his shirt. When it came free he slowly moved his hands under the fabric. Exploring the small of Magnus' back he watched out for his boyfriend's reaction. Although Magnus had initiated their move to the bedroom he didn't want to miss any possible signs of distress. But he needn't have to worry. Magnus answered the touch with a delightful gasp.</p><p>They deepened the kiss again, tongues exploring each other. Magnus pushed Alec's shirt further up indicating to want it gone. Alec gladly complied with his wish. He pulled it off watching Magnus' reaction. He was delighted about the way Magnus' eyes widened and his breath caught for a second or two. Alec knew that he was a good looking man and he worked hard on his physical appearance. But the way Magnus looked at him wasn't just about seeing defined muscles. No. He looked at him as if he was the most precious piece of art. Nobody had ever looked at him like that and it was somewhat unsettling. His mouth went dry and he wanted to say something to soften the tension building in his guts. But none of his usual phrases fell out of his mouth. Instead, he swallowed hard under Magnus' gaze and closed his eyes.</p><p>He felt Magnus' hands caressing his sides and his lips ghosting over his own. "You are perfect," Magnus whispered and Alec knew that he wasn't just talking about his body. Three little words, balm for his wounded soul. Alec leant their foreheads together and took in a strangled breath. "It's okay. I've got you," Magnus said softly. He moved one hand to the back of Alec' neck and turned his face until their cheeks were touching. He gently stroked up and down Alec's back holding him close.</p><p>"May I see you, too?" Alec asked after a while. "Why certainly," Magnus answered. Still, Alec could feel that he was nervous. "You don't need to ..." But Magnus interrupted him. "I want this," he said, emphasising his words unbuttoning his cardigan. Alec smiled and pushed it gently off his shoulders. He slowly moved his hands underneath Magnus' shirt, exploring the torso under it before pushing it over his boyfriend's head. The sight took his breath away. Golden skin over a strong body, not steeled in a gym but still all muscles and smooth curves. The warlock looked at his stunned face and giggled. "Like what you see?" he laughed. "Hey, that's my line!" Alec said playing offended. "But, yeah, very much so." His hands ghosted over Magnus' sides before pulling him in for a deep kiss. "You're <i>so</i> beautiful! From within just as much as outside." </p><p>They looked into each other's eyes and smiled. Both felt that this was about so much more than lust. The heat they had felt earlier had cooled down but there was another kind of desire between them.</p><p>"I would like to feel you," Magnus whispered. "Skin to skin." Alec nodded and watched how his boyfriend walked to one side of his bed and pushed down his trousers, leaving him in his briefs. Magnus quickly slipped underneath the duvet, nervously looking at Alec, a cute blush adorning his cheeks. Alec entered the bed from the other side and invited Magnus into his arms. With a sigh of contentment, the warlock nestled down on his boyfriend's chest. They entangled their legs and felt their hands roaming over one another. </p><p>It was all new and exciting, but also slow and savouring. They explored each other and shared kiss after kiss. It was bliss. Just them, two men in love, slowly healing each other with affection and tenderness. They lay like this for what felt like hours. It was more than enough for both of them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Ghosts of the past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: derogatory speech</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Nooooo ... come back to bed," begged Alec, not letting go of Magnus' arm. The warlock smiled down at him. "I have an early client and as far as I know you have a lot to do yourself." "Just a minute, pleeeease." "You know that this won't work," Magnus replied chuckling. "Grmph." Alec let himself fall back into the pillows. "You lied to me," he murmured. "Did I?" Magnus asked frowning. "You said I was irresistible and now look at you. Being all self-controlled. It's. Not. Fair!" Alec said throwing a pillow missing Magnus by a mile.</p><p>"Coffee?" the older man offered chuckling. "Yes," Alec gave in. He sat up and went to the bathroom. He was always more himself after taking his morning shower. "Are you free for lunch, today?" Magnus asked when he pushed the hot mug in his hand, running his fingers through his boyfriend's wet hair. "Think so. Are you?" "Yes, and I thought we might try this new place that's not far from your work. The one with the cinnamon buns." Alec smiled. "That sounds great."</p><p>They didn't go out often. Not for eating. Most places weren't Magnus' cup of tea and Alec loved eating on the couch with him, Church on his pillow and the Chairman curled up between them. He didn't miss going out as much as he first thought he would. He still went dancing with Clary or to his favourite bar with Jace. He also showed up to Simon's gigs. Yes, he would have loved to do it together with Magnus. But he didn't mind and Magnus either met his friends or enjoyed a relaxed time at home. All that made today's lunch even more special and both were looking forward to it.</p>
<hr/><p>The café was cosy and the tables were aligned in a way that gave some privacy. When he entered Magnus understood right away why Catarina had strongly recommended going there. Alec was already waiting for him. He had snatched a table next to the window front. Magnus bowed down to kiss him and took his seat.</p><p>A friendly waitress brought the menus and took their drink order. While they were waiting for their food to arrive Alec told an animated story about one of his clients. "She was really bridezilla. I mean she made the poor wedding singer cry. That woman is as professional as you can get but even she was close to killing her. It's no wonder that they divorced after 10 months. I'm happy for the guy." "You really have to put up with a lot, don't you?" Magnus asked. "Yes, but most clients are wonderful. I wouldn't do it ..."</p><p>Alec froze midsentence and looked past Magnus. "Are you alright, Alexander?" Magnus asked. "Alexander?" a man from behind him asked with derision in his voice. "Are you now going out with grandpas or what?" Magnus turned his head and saw a good looking blond at the entrance. He was sporting a sardonic grin. "You do screw everyone with a heartbeat, don't you, babe?" Sebastian asked giving Magnus the once-over.</p><p>"You lost your right to call me 'babe' when you fucked that guy in front of me," Alec said through gritted teeth. "Oh," the blonde replied cocking an eyebrow. "Then it's good that you didn't see the others who I fucked in our bed while you were busy at the weekends." Alec suddenly felt sick. It shouldn't bother him, he had Magnus now, but still, Sebastian's words hurt.</p><p>"Why?" Alec needed to know. "Vanilla sex is nice but it wears off with time." He looked down at Magnus with a predatory smile. "But maybe <i>he</i> likes fucking a lazy bottom." Looking back at Alec he added, "I miss having you on your knees though. So eager." Alec raised his voice. "Just because you always needed to be in control and didn't care about my pleasure doesn't mean that I am lazy." </p><p>"Alexander, please, calm down," Magnus pleaded, knowing they had the attention of every single person in the café. "This isn't worth it." Alec was still upset but pressed his jaw together. He wouldn't give Sebastian the satisfaction to cry in front of him or being thrown out of the café. His ex looked down at him with a smug smile. "He will grow tired of you too. You're damaged goods."</p><p>Magnus turned around sporting a death stare. "He most definitely is not. You didn't deserve to be with someone as extraordinary as him. And now would you please excuse us? I want to enjoy lunch with my boyfriend." Sebastian opened his mouth to reply but a waiter who had followed the conversation planted himself in front of him. "Sir, I kindly ask you to not inconvenience our guests. We have a free table over there if you'd like to follow me." All eyes were on the blonde. "Sure," he said still staring Alec down who sat weirdly upright in his chair.  When the waiter was out of earshot Sebastian quietly said, "See ya, slut," and blew him a kiss.</p><p>Magnus tried to comfort Alec who was trembling. He put one hand on his arm, gently stroking up and down. "Do you want to leave?" he asked. Alec nodded. Magnus waved for the waitress to bring the tab.</p><p>When they got up Magnus could see that Sebastian was still staring in their direction. <i>What a bastard.</i> From the corner of his eye he saw the waiter bringing the water Alec's ex had ordered. The poor man slipped and poured the water over Sebastian. Magnus snickered and turned around to Alec. "Bad karma," he said. Alec looked at him cocking an eyebrow. "Did you do that?" "I would <i>never</i> do such a thing," Magnus answered giving him a wink. Alec couldn't suppress a laugh. "Why do I not believe you?" Magnus shrugged while holding the door open for Alec. "And here I thought I earnt your trust." The last thing a furious Sebastian heard was Alec's hearty laugh.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. The talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Full disclaimer: I'm a sucker for good communication around sex. I often miss that in fiction. I get why it's left out, but I really wanted my alternate Malec to have "the talk". I hope you like it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'm sorry." Alec let himself slump down on the leather couch in his office. "For what exactly?" Magnus asked sitting down next to him. "For what he said." "You're hardly responsible for what he decided to say," Magnus objected. "But he hurt you." Alec gave Magnus a cautious side look. "I think he hurt you worse," Magnus replied taking Alec's hand. "How are you doing?"</p><p>"I'm alright. He said nothing about me that he hadn't before." Alec looked down at their entwined hands. "Magnus, you must know that I'm not ..." Magnus stopped him, "There's no need to explain yourself. It was obvious that he wanted to hurt you." Magnus hesitated. "But you might think about getting tested? I mean if you didn't use protection while being with him." The warlock blushed.</p><p>"Yeah, I should. Not because of him. I get tested regularly," Alec replied. "I mean not ... I always used protection ... just in case that we ...," he trailed off. Magnus snickered. "Warlock's don't get sick if you're worried about that." "I just didn't want to imply ..." Magnus smiled fondly at his stuttering boyfriend. "I know. It's all right. Don't worry about that."</p><p>Magnus examined Alec's face. "But maybe we should talk about <i>it</i>," he suggested, nervously shifting around. Alec met his eyes. "Yeah ... maybe we should," his boyfriend agreed. There was a long pause and Alec slowly blew out a breath. "I never talked about that," Alec confessed. "Look, I ... Sebastian was my first love. He ... he was the one to introduce me to sex. In the beginning, he was wonderful, patient. But when he bedded me things changed. It was a slow process but he kind of ... used me. He pressured me into things I didn't really want to do. And he ... well, he didn't really like my input. And then he suddenly stopped wanting me." He looked at Magnus' open face. "Sorry, if that's weird."</p><p>Magnus cupped Alec's cheek with his hand. "It's not weird. You say what you think," he said and smiled encouragingly. "After we split up I promised myself to never be used again," Alec explained and Magnus nodded in understanding. "But maybe I'm more like him than I prefer." Magnus knitted his brow. "What do you mean?" he asked softly.</p><p>"I used them. I didn't really care about their pleasure." The warlock looked at him thoughtfully. "Do you think they enjoyed themselves?" "Yes, I think so. I never pressured anybody into it if that's what you mean. It was always consensual. And they seemed to have fun." "In that case, I don't think that you are like him. There are different rules for one-offs and relationships." </p><p>Alec hummed but otherwise remained silent. "What is it?" Magnus asked. "It's just ... I want it to be good between us. I want you to feel good when we take this step." Magnus nodded. "And I want <i>you</i> to feel good, Alexander. And I know we will because it's us. We trust each other and we talk." "I'm just," Alec tried to meet his boyfriend's gaze but couldn't, "I'm just so fucking afraid to get hurt again if I let myself go. I trust you but every time I imagine us being together ...," shame washed over his face. "Maybe he was right and I'm damaged goods."</p><p>"Oh, Alexander. Don't you ever dare believe that. And by the way, you're not the only one who feels vulnerable. But there is nothing, nothing that we can't figure out. Together." He caressed Alec's cheek. "It will happen when it feels right for both of us. There is no rush."</p><p>Alec gave him a little smile. "I just want you so much. All of you. It scares the shit out of me sometimes. " Magnus snickered and brushed his fingers through Alec's hair. "I feel the same. But that only shows that it's real." He pressed a gentle kiss on Alec's lips. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Right now I just want to cuddle up on this couch if you're fine with that." Alec smiled and kissed him. "More than fine."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. The trip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"They might have redecorated since the last time I visited." Magnus looked at the wall in front of him and snickered. Alec was still a bit dizzy from his first portal travel. "Where exactly are we?" he asked when the earth stopped swaying. "Paris, mon amour," Magnus smiled.</p><p>"Paris as in <i>Paris the city of love</i>?" Alec teased. "Oh." Magnus blushed in the most beautiful rose Alec had ever seen on him. "I actually didn't think of that," the warlock admitted. "Then why?" Alec asked amused. "Well, we talked about Zola yesterday and I thought you might like to see the 'Belly of Paris', try the best éclair in the world and explore Montmartre," his boyfriend replied. Alec's eyes widened. "That sounds amazing!" Alec was all smiles.</p><p>"I hope I find my way around. It's been a long time since I've last been here." "When was that?" "In the late 1800s, I think," Magnus mused. Alec chuckled. "And you think you still know the best éclair in town?" he asked cocking an eyebrow. "Well, my favourite pâtisserie was opened in 1730 and it still exists today," Magnus grinned. He took Alec's hand and trailed him behind. They entered a corridor and climbed down a wooden staircase. They arrived in the house entrance, beautiful tiles decorating the floor.</p><p>When they stepped out on the street Alec's senses were overflowing. He admired the architecture. The buildings seemed to be frozen in time. The specialised stores still gave a 19th-century vibe and offered everything: fish, cheeses, fruits, flowers. Odours mixed and the street buzzed with life as Parisians and tourists mingled in the warm afternoon sun.</p><p>They stopped in front of a bakery. Navy blue surrounded the windows. Just one look inside and Alec's mouth was watering. The shop was larger than the front suggested and was abundantly decorated. Behind the sales counter where cakes and smaller delicacies were displayed the walls were decorated with large mirrors and paintings. A chandelier hang from the ceiling that was decorated as much as the walls. Alec felt like a time traveller.</p><p>They chose a variety of pastries which were packed in elegant white boxes. Hand in hand they walked through the streets until they reached glass pyramids that were framed by a large palace. "One day we will come back and I show you the Mona Lisa," Magnus promised. "But today I want to have a picnic in the Jardin des Tuileries. It's more than 400 years old." "A picnic in Paris? It's such a shame that I can't tell Izzy about it. She would burst with envy," Alec laughed. "I'm sorry that you have to keep this from her," Magnus said gazing into the distance. Alec nodded. "One day we will probably have to tell her though. She won't believe that you're not ageing because of your flawless yoga practise, right?" "Right," the warlock murmured.</p><p>They left the Louvre behind and strolled into the gardens. They walked in contemplative silence. "How did you handle this in the past?" Alec asked while they circuited a large round basin with a fountain in the middle. "I never really had to. The people I've been with either left before they learnt the truth or they left me because of it. I think that's why I held on to Camille for way too long. She is immortal and I hoped ...," he trailed off. "So, she's still around?" Alec asked. "I guess, but I don't know for sure. Immortality doesn't mean that you're not able to die. I haven't heard from her since we broke up," Magnus explained.</p><p>"Why didn't it work out with the others? If you don't mind me asking." "Well," he smiled sombrely, "in all those centuries there were only a few who loved me. But in the course of time, they all realised that I'm not growing old with them and they ended it. Nobody wanted me to stay until the end of their life." Alec swallowed. "But is that what you want? Say, we stay together and are happy with each other. Would you want to watch me becoming old and feeble?"</p><p>Magnus stopped walking and turned to Alec. "Yes," he simply said. "Are you sure?" Alec asked. "Yes. I want to have as much time with you as I get. There is no doubt in my soul about that. I love you. And I will still love you when you're grey or bald." He pressed a soft kiss on Alec's lips who smiled into it. "We'll figure this out. But now I would like to sit down and eat those wonderful éclairs if you don't mind," Magnus said. "Oh, yes!" Alec exclaimed. </p><p>He felt the air buzzing around him and saw that they were surrounded by a blue bubble waving on the edges. "What's that about?", he asked laughing. "Picnics aren't really allowed here. It's a glamour so people can't see us on the lawn." Alec laughed even harder. "Breaking the law, huh?" he asked raising an eyebrow. "You're such a bad boy," he said. "Just for you," Magnus answered, blushing only slightly. Alec kissed his rosy cheeks and leant their foreheads together. "I love you so much, Magnus."</p><p>They stepped over the low barrier bordering the lawn. Then they made themselves comfortable on the picnic blanket the warlock conjured. When he watched Alec trying all the different sweets with zest, Magnus couldn't help himself thinking about their conversation earlier. He knew he was ready to take the next step and he thought Alec was too. And deep in his heart, he hoped that Alec would be the one who would finally stay. Who would allow him to spend his <i>life</i> with him. He knew he couldn't ask Alec to promise him that. But sitting there on the forbidden lawn in the city of love, watching the beautiful man he could call his own, he decided to risk it all. This moment alone was worth an eternity of heartbreak or grief.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. First time - Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My first time writing smut. It's soft and sweet and leaves a lot to your imagination. I hope you like it.</p><p>If you are into those things, this is the music I listened  to while writing it: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DWZd79rJ6a7lp?si=BXgjexPYTau4oOx6TWjwMQ</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This was the sweetest thing. Lying on his navy satin sheets, both on their sides, chest to chest, his face nestled into Alec's neck, the intoxicating smell of sandalwood and pure Alec rising into his nose. It was bliss like Magnus had never felt before and he knew the memory of laying like this would last him for a lifetime. It had to. Such a bittersweet feeling. But he had made his decision.</p><p>Lord Tennyson had been right after all. <i>'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.</i> Magnus tried to push these thoughts away. Savouring every moment with the man he loved was all he wanted to do.</p><p>He kissed Alec's neck. Small but delicious sounds of pleasure fell from the younger man's lips. Their hands lazily brushed over the fabric of their pyjamas, feeling the heat of their skin rising through the cotton. Alec kissed Magnus' hair and gently massaged his scalp.</p><p>Their lips met in soft kisses and their breaths mingled. Magnus gently caressed Alec's cheek. Small, private smiles were painted on their faces. They looked into each other's eyes. "I love you," Alec whispered. "I love you too, Alexander," Magnus said under his breath. Just three words but they seemed to hold the whole universe.</p><p>Alec brushed the hair out of Magnus' face. "I want to feel you," he said. Magnus' smile widened. "I'd love that," he replied. They leisurely undressed themselves. There was no hurry, just tranquillity and trust between them. They soon found each other's arms again.</p><p>Magnus nestled his face back into Alec's neck and slid his upper leg around his boyfriend. They laid like that for some time, soaking in the feeling of skin on skin, nothing separating their bodies.</p><p>Their hands recommenced their earlier travel paths, soft strokes, gentle touches, lazy caresses over backs, arms, hips, and legs. They placed soft kisses on each other's necks and lips, peppering their cheeks with little pecks.</p><p>Alec gently pulled Magnus on top of him, his hands softly stroking up and down his sides, touching his back, wandering down to cup Magnus' bum, eliciting quiet moans.</p><p>Magnus pressed open-mouthed kisses up and down Alec's neck, now and then catching his lobe between his teeth. The nibbling made Alec groan. Arousal rose in both of them.</p><p>Their touches were tender, their movements careful and slow. Their erections were pressed together, sliding up and down lazily. Their heartbeats were climbing slowly, their breathing was audible in the silence of the bedroom.</p><p>Their kisses deepened. Alec's tongue slid over Magnus' lower lip, asking for admission. Magnus parted his lips, enjoying the feeling of Alec's tongue floating in his mouth, meeting his own in a lazy dance.</p><p>Their bodies slid up and down in a delightful, lavishing choreography, their hard lengths an anchor point of their desire.</p><p>Magnus slowly moved his hips downwards, sitting up on Alec's thighs, and propping himself up on one knee and one foot. He looked down at Alec with so much love, relishing in the beauty of his boyfriend's hazel eyes, his soft smile, and the definition of his body underneath him. </p><p>Tenderly he brushed through Alec's pubic hair, eliciting soft moans from his boyfriend's mouth. His hands roamed up over Alec's sides and down the hairy chest, following the narrow hairy path down again to where Alec erection was showing what these touches did to him.</p><p>Alec soaked in the mesmerising sight of Magnus above him. His slender yet strong body, his chocolate coloured, soft eyes, the hair gently falling in his face. He drank in the handsomeness that was Magnus. Getting drunk on his boyfriend was the only thing Alec wanted. There was nothing more appealing. Alec never had felt like this before. There was a bond between them, invisible yet stronger than anything he had ever known.</p><p>They looked in each other's eyes, unspoken words floating through the air between them. There were understanding and trust, love and desire.</p><p>Magnus softly laid his warm hand on Alec's cock, feeling his hardness rising to meet him. Long fingers slowly surrounded Alec who moaned gutturally in response. Magnus' hand moved up and down Alec's length, delightfully slow. He enjoyed the weight in his hand and relished in his lover's face. Alec's features were relaxed, yet moulded in pleasure, his eyes were closed, and his mouth slightly open.</p><p>He was beautiful like this, familiar but mysterious at the same time. There was so much Magnus wanted to explore with him, show him and be shown by him. Alec was the key to unlock all the things that Magnus had denied himself. The young man was healing magic in its purest form.</p><p>Alec let himself sink into the feeling of Magnus surrounding him. His hand an anchor in space, the only thing keeping him from floating away. There was nothing, nothing but Magnus. The pleasure flowing from his hand, rushing into every single cell, clouding every thought. The steady movement on him, the tickling and burning tension in his gut, the heat in his face, it was too much.</p><p>His quick ascent surprised them both. His orgasm rolled through his body, unstoppable. And even though Alec felt a hint of shame, the overwhelming emotion was gratitude. He was thankful that he could have this. Could have Magnus who smiled down at him in tender understanding. This gorgeous man, wise and endearing. The only one he ever wanted to bare his heart and soul.</p><p>Magnus' free hand softly roamed over Alec's chest, caressing him through the aftershock of his release. Then he slipped off him, conjuring a warm, moist towel, and gently cleaned Alec and himself. Alec smiled. "Why don't you just snap your fingers?" he asked in a husky voice. Magnus smiled knowingly. "We don't always have to use magic. Some things are just worth making an effort."</p><p>After towelling Alec down, Magnus nestled down in his boyfriend's arms. He pressed a soft kiss on Alec's plump lips. Calm smiles adorned their faces. Alec buried his face in Magnus' hair, breathing in the smell of his shampoo. </p><p>"Make love to me, Magnus," he whispered. "I want to feel you inside of me." </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Do you want the 2nd part of their first time or should I just leave it that way and go on telling their story?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. First time - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay. This is the smut some were asking for, incl. some related talking of course because it's all about good communication, right? If you're not a fan of this kind of stuff, the next chapter will be SFW again.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you sure you want this?" Magnus asked in surprise. "Yes ... unless you don't want to," Alec answered somewhat insecure. Magnus smiled and kissed him softly. "It would be my pleasure," he whispered and Alec snickered.</p><p>"How do you want me?" Magnus asked bluntly and Alec was taken aback for a moment. "I want to see you," Alec finally said, brushing a strand of hair out of Magnus' face. His boyfriend hummed and kissed him again. "That sounds good." He studied Alec's face. "Any preferences or something I should avoid?" "No, just, go slow." "But of course. I want to make you feel good." Alec grinned. "You already did." "You know what I mean," Magnus said, giving him a love tap. "I know. I just ... I'd like to go with the flow." "That's alright, Alexander. I just need you to tell me if there is something you don't like. Or if you need to slow down or stop altogether." Alec shook his head in agreement.</p><p>Magnus looked at him for a moment. "You are so beautiful," he whispered. Alec was radiant with joy. "And you look good enough to eat," he replied rolling them both over. He felt Magnus' warm and firm body underneath him. He dove down into a heated kiss, mostly teeth and tongues. It was messy, and wet, and it sent all his blood south again. </p><p>His lips wandered down Magnus' neck. He found the most sensitive spot and attacked it with sucks and kisses. Magnus writhed under him, moans falling off his lips. His eyes closed Magnus threw back his head giving his boyfriend better access to his sensitive skin. Alec peppered his neck and shoulder with kisses. His mouth found Magnus' ear and gently bit down, coaxing a moaned 'Alexander' from his boyfriend. Alec grinned. "I wanted to hear that since the first time me met," he murmured in Magnus' ear. The warlock smiled. "I know. You told me." "Mmh. But did I also tell you that I wanted to go down on you to achieve that?" Magnus breath caught for a second and he exhaled audibly. "I take that as approval," Alec smirked and his boyfriend nodded.</p><p>Alec pressed his lips on Magnus' and let his tongue slip inside. His hand roamed up and down Magnus' side and finally anchored at his hip. Alec's lips wandered down again. He took his time exploring Magnus' chest with his lips. He heard a gasp and looked up. Magnus' eyes fluttered and for a second Alec could see them lust-filled and golden. He smiled triumphantly. </p><p>Turning his attention down again his lips wandered lower. Looking up he raised an amused eyebrow. Mourning the loss of Alec's lips Magnus opened his eyes. "Oh," he said when understanding hit him. "I should have told you that I have no bellybutton when I'm unglamoured." Alec snickered, "You're full of surprises." He licked over the empty spot and blew air over it. Goosebumps grew on Magnus skin and he bit his lower lip. </p><p>Alec run his fingers through Magnus' pubic hair and pushed back to settle between his legs. He pressed kisses from his hipbones to the inner thighs, leaving out the place Magnus needed him the most. He watched the cock in front of him twitching and looked up into his boyfriend's eyes. "So perfect," he cooed. Magnus held his breath when Alec lowered himself, still keeping their eyes locked. When his lips touched the head in a soft kiss, arousal shot up Magnus' spine and he bolted upwards. </p><p>Alec brushed softly over his hip and whispered, "I've got you." He pulled back the foreskin and slowly ran his tongue over the tip. A low moan escaped Magnus' mouth. After a pleased smile, Alec let his tongue travel down, moving it in long stripes from the base to the tip. Then he slid his lips over the head ever so slowly and let his tongue paint little swirls all over it. Alec felt Magnus' hand in his hair without any pressure, just another link between their heated bodies. Magnus gasped and moaned, his sounds increasing the more Alec sucked and the deeper he took him in.</p><p>Magnus tried hard not to thrust his hips upwards. Warm waves of pleasure ran through his body and heat gathered in his guts. He tenderly tugged on Alec's hair and the vibration of his lover's resulting moan made him shiver. "If you don't stop I won't be able to fuck you," he panted. Alec let go of his cock and grinned. "Do you still want to?" he asked mischievously. It took a moment for Magnus to answer. His clouded mind couldn't decide. </p><p>Alec moved up to press a kiss on his lips. He looked at him with an amused smile. "Want me to continue?" "Yes ... and no," Magnus said, his voice rough. "What the hell", he finally proclaimed and rolled over a surprised, giggling Alec. The sound made Magnus laugh. He caressed Alec's cheeks. "At the risk of repeating myself - you are wonderful, Alexander." An actual blush rose from Alec's neck to his cheeks. He pulled Magnus into a deep kiss. After catching his breath, he demanded, "Take me." Magnus smiled down at him. "Your wish is my command."</p><p>He peppered soft kisses on Alec's face and let his hands roam over his boyfriend's chest and stomach. He kissed his mouth, exploring it with his tongue. He rubbed his hard length against Alec's and caught his moans with his mouth. His hands rose to brush through Alec's hair. When he tugged on it Alec started to shiver underneath him. He tugged a little harder eliciting a low moan. <i>Interesting.</i> Magnus chuckled to himself. "You make the most beautiful noises," he praised.</p><p>He let himself slide to Alec's side and stroked one hand over his lover's chest down over his belly and lowered it on Alec's leaking cock. He gave him a few strokes enjoying how Alec thrust in his hand. "So perfect," he murmured and swirled his fingers over the tip. Alec whimpered. Magnus lowered his hand again and massaged Alec's balls. The groan that passed his lover's lips turned into a long moan when Magnus tugged on his hair again.</p><p>Alec whimpered again when he felt Magnus' slick finger circling his entrance. His body momentarily stiffened. Magnus stopped and brushed his hand softly through his hair. "I've got you, love. Just tell me if you need me to stop." Alec turned his head and pressed a kiss on Magnus' wrist. "Don't stop," he murmured.</p><p>Magnus resumed circling the rim of Alec's hole while caressing his scalp. When he heard Alec quietly moan he tenderly pressed the tip of his finger inside. He watched Alec's reactions closely. His lover's breath hitched and he inhaled sharply. Magnus felt the muscles clutching around his digit, but he didn't move until Alec relaxed again. Then he pressed his finger inside, slowly. "Is that okay, love?" he asked. Alec turned his face away and nodded. Magnus continued brushing through his hair. "Can you look at me, love? I need to see you." Alec struggled to open his eyes. They were glassy. "Am I hurting you?" Magnus asked softly. "No," Alec pressed out. "We can stop if it is too much," Magnus offered. "No, I want this!" Alec sounded frustrated.</p><p>"What do you need?" Magnus asked. "Kiss me!" And Magnus happily granted him this wish. The kiss started soft but grew hot and wet quickly. Magnus carefully moved his finger again. "Two," Alec gasped in the kiss and Magnus complied. Alec felt a little burn but tried to focus on kissing Magnus deeper. He felt the fingers scissoring and curling. When Magnus found his sweet spot he bolted up, white dots flickering behind his closed eyelids. He felt Magnus kissing his neck so hard he might get a hickey and the thought made him groan. </p><p>"Three," he gasped. Magnus gave the prostate another brush and added a third finger. Alec hissed. "Too much?" "No, just give me a second." "As long as you need," Magnus murmured into his skin and resumed kissing, giving his hair soft tugs now and then. When Alec relaxed again he resumed opening him up. His own cock twitched in anticipation.</p><p>"I'm ready." "Are you sure?" "Yes, please." Magnus grinned and pulled out his fingers. "So polite," he purred and Alec laughed. Magnus situated himself between Alec's legs and pushed a pillow under his ass. He touched the entrance with the tip of his slick cock and searched for Alec's eyes. When he found them he pushed slowly inside. He stopped when the head had fully passed the rim. Alec breathed heavily and tried to relax. Magnus kissed him softly and waited until his breathing normalised. Magnus pushed inside ever so slowly, fighting the urge to fill his lover in one go. "So tight. Perfect for me," he praised when he bottomed out.</p><p>He tried not to move until Alec was used to the new sensation. He peppered his face with kisses. "Move," Alec ordered. He pulled out a bit and thrust in slowly. He built up to a steady rhythm. He felt Alec's wet and tight heat surrounding him and heard his muffled moans from below. Alec twined his legs around Magnus who altered his position slightly until he hit Alec's sweet spot, eliciting loud moans. His own breath was shallow and he felt a fire burning in his loins. "I'm so close," he panted. "Me, too," Alec wheezed. </p><p>Magnus aimed at his prostate, hitting it with every thrust. He saw Alec's grimacing face underneath him and curled his hand in his boyfriend's hair. "So close, fuck," Alec panted. Magnus lowered his head to Alec's ear and whispered, "Come for me." He tugged his hair sharply and nudged him over the edge. Alec juddered and came with Magnus' name on his lips. His scream and his clenching hole pushed the warlock over the edge. His orgasm rolled like waves through his body. Blue magic erupted and filled the room with a golden glow, leaving them wreathed in mist.</p><p>When Magnus regained consciousness he looked into Alec's mirthful face. "Will this happen every time?" he asked grinning. "No idea. This is new," Magnus snickered. Alec smiled and pressed a kiss in his hair and murmured,  "This was perfect." Magnus propped his chin up Alec's chest. "It was indeed." He waved his hand to clean them. Alec raised an eyebrow. "Don't look at me like that. It's all your fault. You knocked me out," Magnus defended himself. Alec laughed out loud and pulled him in his arms. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. The brewing storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The timing was bad, really bad. They just had had sex for the first time and it had been wonderful. Alec would have loved to stay in bed forever, just the two of them sharing and exploring. But that's not how life works, is it?</p><p>He was working his ass off for this new client he had been lucky enough to snatch. He was an insanely rich entrepreneur who had worked with the same party planner for over a decade before said woman decided to spend her early retirement in Europe and had left a gap in the New Yorker party scene that people would have killed to fill. And Alec had been the chosen one. If he played his cards right the charity ball that he was in charge of planning would mean his business could expand in record time.</p><p>Magnus had been thrilled for him. Alec had told him that the next weeks would be crazy. Magnus had answered that he didn't mind. That's why Alec didn't understand why he was sitting all alone in his apartment now. The apartment that basically had been an expensive depository for the stuff he hadn't moved to Magnus' loft yet. The apartment that wasn't home anymore.</p><p>Alec felt like he should be angry about Magnus' outburst and he kind of was. But there was this nagging feeling that Magnus was right. He hadn't asked him, didn't give him a choice. He just assumed and he had been mistaken. He had messed up, big time.</p><p>Magnus had been so supportive. He had taken care of keeping him fed, dressed, and rested. He had portaled him whenever he had asked him just to buy him more time. He hadn't made any demands and had ignored his bad temper that became more and more his standard mood the closer the big day came. Magnus had listened to him every time he had let out his frustration no matter how overdramatic he had been. In short: Magnus had been the perfect boyfriend. He even had found the time to meet with Izzy to help her organise their parent's wedding anniversary as Alec himself was too busy with work.</p><p>
  <i>They met for lunch in Magnus' favourite café. Izzy brought a big ring binder. "Thank you for jumping in." "Don't mention it," Magnus replied, but the file already infused him with anxiety. Who needed this much stuff for a family gettogether?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"The venue is already booked and most of the service providers as well. We only need to keep them updated. We still need a florist and someone for the ice sculptures. The invitations must be sent out at the end of the week. The printing company will deliver them tomorrow to Alec's office. Would you mind taking care of them?" As usual, Izzy talked like a waterfall and it took Magnus a second too long to process that she had asked him something. "But of course not. How many are we talking about?" he managed to say. "Around 100 I think." Magnus' mouth fell open. That didn't sound like a little family party at all. "Wow, that's ... that are a lot of guests," Magnus murmured. "Oh, it's a rather small party for family standards," Izzy snickered. Magnus shook his head in disbelief. "Now I see why your brother chose his profession." Izzy started laughing. "Yes, his organising talent was encouraged at an early age. Did he ever tell you about grandma's 60th birthday? He was 12 and planned it from A to Z. It was a blast." Izzy looked nearly smug. It was wonderful to see her pride.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>They divided the tasks and changed to other topics. Izzy asked how Alec was doing with his new project. "Oh, he's really busy. I see him more in his sleeping form than awake," Magnus laughed, but it was dark on the edges. "He is exhausted. I'm just happy that the ball is in two weeks. He needs some time off after that." Izzy nodded. "My brother is a workaholic. I think it runs in the family," she said, her eyes showing something akin to sadness. "When we get into a project we submerge ourselves. That's why we are planning the anniversary. My parents just caught up in this huge lawsuit. It's a miracle that they didn't cancel the party altogether."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>She sighed. "I'm so happy that you're taking care of him. I know it's a shitty place to be. Ask Simon." She smiled sombrely. "I hope he's not driving you crazy?" Magnus wanted to ease her worry. She usually was this bubbly nerd, but right now she actually looked far too severe for her age. "No, not at all. I mean I see him maybe 45 min every day if I'm lucky. He rises before me and basically falls into bed as soon as he enters the door. That's not much time to drive someone crazy." It was the truth.</i></p><p><i>But he didn't tell her the other half. That Alec had just coaxed the fire of desire and lust to burn in him again but hadn't touched him since. Or how much it hurt that Alec hadn't even properly kissed him in weeks. That the only thing he shared with him was his bed, but both slept on their side of the mattress. That he sometimes felt like Alec's personal agony column, caterer, and shuttle service. That he felt being used and this was way too close to Camille's behaviour than he prefered. Yes, he told himself it was only for the time being, just two more weeks and they would pick up where they had left their relationship. </i>
</p><p>
 <i>But he couldn't tell Izzy that. He mused, "I miss him though. I know it sounds pathetic as I see him every day and he's sleeping at my place, but still." Izzy put her hand on Magnus' arm. "I don't think that's pathetic at all. It was bad enough dealing with this as a sister slash flatmate. Believe me, I know how my brother gets." Magnus gave her a small smile. Her hand felt so soothing. He wanted to fall into her arms. <i>No, not pathetic at all.</i></i>
</p><p>
  <i>Far too soon she pulled her hand back. "Alec is outdoing himself though. I thought the Mad hatter party was huge, but this ball will be awesome! Did you see the plans?" No, he hadn't. Yes, he knew bits and pieces, the parts where there had been problems. Alec had just vomited them out the few times they had had dinner or lunch together. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Izzy's lilting voice pulled him out of his dark thoughts. "I can't wait to dress up for it. Alec chose such a beautiful princess gown for me. It's been ages since he took me to one of his events. Most clients don't allow a plus one." Magnus looked up in surprise. "Plus one?" he asked baffled. "Yes. Raj is bringing his girlfriend. She's completely brainless and if Alec has no one to talk to he might kill himself through eye-rolling," Izzy chuckled. Magnus hummed. Something was tugging at his heart, but he pushed it to the side. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>At 1 am Alec called him and asked for a portal back to the loft. Magnus created it still lying on the sofa where he had fallen asleep. "Go to bed, I just reheat dinner and take a shower," Alec said, but Magnus dragged himself to the kitchen. "I haven't seen you since I dropped by to deliver lunch. I won't miss 15 minutes with my boyfriend. Not if it's all I can get," he yawned. Alec smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "Just two more weeks. Then I'm all yours again." Magnus frowned. "Unless something new comes up?" It was more a statement than a question.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Then I'd be able to hire someone. This gala is already too big for three. Raj isn't willing to work overtime and Eileen can't, she has kids." Alec rubbed his eyes. He took the shower while Magnus set the table for him. Alec all but devoured the meal and was already on his way to bed when he caught Magnus staring at him. His face was an unreadable mask and for a second Alec thought that he was glamouring himself. But he was way too tired for asking.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He had nearly past out under the hot shower. There wasn't an ounce of energy left in him and the alarm clock would go off in under 5 hours. It couldn't be that bad. They were good. He pressed a kiss on Magnus' cheek. "Good night," he said, hoping for a smile. But nothing. It was late. Magnus was tired. That's what it was. Just that. It had to be. Alec couldn't allow himself to think otherwise. Just two more weeks and everything would be fine.</i>
</p><p>Of course, it wasn't. It was all a big fucking mess. There was no way to put this into nicer words. Yes, he had asked Magnus to stay away for the day of the event. He knew that even a call would distract him and he needed to focus. There would be time later. When all was done he would call to portal him home. And with all the excess of energy, he was looking forward to devouring his boyfriend, to make up for those weeks of starvation, and they wouldn't leave the bedroom for days. This goal had been the only thing holding him up the last few days. It was the big reward and he would share it with the man he loved. The man who had opened up a portal and all but shoved him into it only 30 minutes ago. </p><p>
  <i>The party had been a huge success. There hadn't even been the tiniest of hiccups. He enjoyed himself and danced with Izzy for hours. She had been so beautiful. He had sent her home in a taxi and after making the last round he had called Magnus. Well, he tried. He went straight to voicemail. After a few more tries he had called a cab. The loft was dipped in darkness when he entered.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He found Magnus on the sofa, the Chairman curled up at his side. Alec took a moment to take a look at his sleeping boyfriend. He hadn't really looked at him for weeks. He wouldn't have been able to work if he had let himself soak in his beauty for more than a second. It had hurt him physically. But now he could watch him sleep and it was balm for his soul.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>But the moment was brutally interrupted when Church jumped on him. He hadn't even seen him before but the evil cat was in full attack mode. Alec yelled and Magnus jumped off the couch, magic already curling around his hands. When the warlock had fully assessed the situation he just turned around and walked to the bedroom.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"What, no kiss?" Alec teased. He may not have been inclined to wake his sleeping boyfriend, but now that he was awake he wouldn't waste more precious hours. He wanted his reward. He wanted Magnus. Now! But his boyfriend just turned around and looked at him in utter disbelief. "Really?" he spit out venomously. The tone made Alec's blood run cold. What the hell was going on?</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Tell me what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Day of Atonement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You really dare to ask me to kiss you?" Magnus asked with unveiled anger. "I thought ...," Alec trailed off. "What? What did you think? Enlighten me, Alec, what was it?"</p><p><i>'Alec'.</i> "I haven't kissed you in what feels like ages," Alec explained. "And whose fault was that?" Magnus hissed. "You know that I was insanely busy." Alec tried to keep his temper in check. "Too busy to kiss your boyfriend or treat him decently?" Alec was flabbergasted. He had come home every night. He had tried to make time for dinner or phone calls. What the hell was he talking about? "I did what I could. I slept here every night," he argued. "Of course you did. With an emphasis on sleep. No cuddle, no proper kiss, at least in three weeks. And when was the last time you asked me how my day was?" Alec felt like someone had slapped his face. <i>Shit!</i></p><p>"I'm sorry, Magnus. That ... There's no excuse for my behaviour. I was so tired and overworked. But it's over now. I promise. I'll make up for it." He stepped closer and cupped Magnus' cheek in his hand. "And I'm starting now," he promised with a smile and leant in for a kiss. But Magnus took a step back, staring at him in disdain.</p><p>"Do you really think that I am this cheap? A kiss and everything is forgiven and forgotten?" Magnus snorted. "I knew that you are a workaholic, but I didn't know that you are a prick, too!" Magnus never swore and he never lost his cool. Alec adored those facts about him. His boyfriend was obviously deeply hurt. He had to fix this.</p><p>"I told you that big events are crazy, that I wouldn't have time. Normally I just disappear off the radar. But I came home every night, to you. I'm sorry if I wasn't as responsive as you are used to. I agree that this was shitty of me and I'll work on that. But you didn't say anything. I thought you'd be fine with how things are, knowing that it would be over soon."</p><p>Magnus looked at him intensely. "I thought that too," he finally said, his voice soft but broken. "When you asked me not to come around or call today I thought I finally figured it out. Izzy told me about the plus one thing. It hurt beyond belief. But then Cat called the very next day and insisted on seeing me today and I thought this was a strange coincidence. I thought you had planned to surprise me. I thought they were all in the know. And it made me feel better, cherished. But then Cat came and when I couldn't stand the charade any longer I made a fool of myself in front of my best friend. Because of course there wasn't a big surprise. Apart from you being a total dick and asking your sister to be your plus one after exploiting my services for weeks. But that seems to run in the family. Shadowhunters are all the same with runes or without!"</p><p>Alec's brain tried to catch up. "What are you talking about? Shadowhunters?" Magnus snorted again. "Ah, you didn't read the book I lent you. The one I <i>authored</i>. Quelle surprise," he scoffed. "I didn't have <i>time</i> to read it. But I planned to."</p><p>"Do you think I haven't heard all these excuses before? Believe me, Camille used up all of them. There are none left for you. Just pack your stuff and leave!" Alec fought against the tears burning in his eyes. "Magnus, you can't be serious!" Magnus looked at him with golden, burning eyes. "You're right. That would take too long." He opened a portal and summoned Alec's things from the loft. He threw them into the portal. "Last service for you. Now leave!" Magnus' voice was sharp like a knife. </p><p>"Magnus, we can figure this out. Please, just talk to me," Alec begged but Magnus wouldn't budge. "Leave now or I make you." Alec's shoulders dropped in resignation. He walked to the portal and said, "I go. But let's talk tomorrow. Please. I love you." Magnus remained silent and didn't meet his eyes.</p><p>He had left and stumbled over his stuff on the floor. How did all of this happen? Yes, he had been a lousy boyfriend. Deep down he knew that. But he had thought that they would just pick up where they were before this whole gala insanity dropped. But that wasn't the case. And on top of it, he had hurt Magnus by taking Izzy to the ball. Why? Magnus hated parties. Why would he think he'd surprise him with something he disliked?</p><p>But this had been a sophisticated upper-class charity event, not an overcrowded house warming. When they first met Magnus didn't have a problem with the party around him. <i>May I request that in the future you first check in on my opinion before jumping to conclusions?</i> Magnus' words rang in his mind. <i>Shit.</i> He hadn't asked. He had just assumed that he didn't want to come. And all that after being a shitty boyfriend <i>for weeks</i>. </p><p>And even if it hurt badly that Magnus had compared him with Camille, Alec understood now where he was coming from. He ran his hands through his hair. How could he mess up the best thing he ever had?</p>
<hr/><p>The next day he called but Magnus didn't pick up the phone. He drove to the loft but nobody opened. His key wasn't working. He hammered against the door. He screamed, he begged, but no response. He just <i>knew</i> that Magnus was in there. When he left after an hour his eyes caught on the fire ladder. Yes, it was stalker territory but he was beyond caring. He wouldn't lose Magnus. He <i>couldn't.</i></p><p>When he finally arrived at the top of the building he saw him. He was huddled on the couch. His eyes were swollen and his mouth pinched. He looked so small. Alec tried to get on the balcony but the wards didn't let him through. They seemed to have alarmed the warlock though as he bolted up from the sofa and looked him straight in the eyes. "What do you want?" Magnus demanded exasperatedly. "I'm here to apologise and to mend fences. I just want to talk," Alec explained. Magnus thought a long moment and then said, "Good. Talk." "Can I come in?" Alec asked but the warlock declined.</p><p>"Okay, I deserve that." Alec took a deep breath. He had to find the right words. He doubted he would get another chance. "I have been a lousy boyfriend. I didn't give you the attention you deserve. You did everything to win me time and all I used it for was work. That wasn't right, I should have spent it with you. There is no excuse for making you feel used. I hurt you. And I am so sorry for making you feel like that. I never wanted to but I still did. I know I fucked up and I deserve whatever you throw at me. But I still would like to ask you to allow me to explain myself."</p><p>There was a long pause and Magnus considered it. He was hurting and he couldn't think of anything that might let him down his guard again. But he still loved Alec and he missed him. He had slept on the couch because the bed was too empty without him. Yes, he loved Alec, but he loved himself more. He wouldn't let himself be broken again. But there was sincerity in Alec's voice and so far he hadn't tried to talk him down or to manipulate him. He had shouldered the blame. The least he could do was hearing him out. "I'm all ears," he finally said in a neutral voice.</p><p>Alec still stood awkwardly on the fire ladder while Magnus had conjured a comfy chair for himself. Alec coughed slightly and began. "Thank you for giving me a chance. There is no explanation for my behaviour in the last weeks. Yes, I was chronically overworked and underslept but that's no excuse for ignoring you and your needs. It isn't even an excuse for denying myself what I needed. Because I needed you but in my twisted mind I couldn't have you. I thought that I could postpone all intimacy until after the gala and that we would just catch up on it. That alone is a stupid thing to think and it's even worse that I didn't ask you if you agreed to that. That was not okay. And for that I am sorry."</p><p>Alec tried to read Magnus' face but he didn't let his mask slide. "Furthermore I didn't ask you to be my plus one because I assumed you wouldn't want to join me. But I never asked you and for that, I apologise. I would have loved to have you with me, but I blew that chance and I hurt you in the process. I know I am not in a place to ask you for forgiveness or demand anything. I just want you to know that I am deeply sorry for how I treated you. And I hope that you give me one last chance. I know that even if you grant me one I have to earn your trust again. And I'm willing to do everything to make you feel cherished and loved if you decide to let me. I love you and I don't want to lose you."</p><p>Magnus remained silent for a long time. This had been a proper apology. Alec tried to reconcile with him. He promised to work for that. He didn't just expect him to say the words and go back as though nothing had happened. </p><p>"Okay. But I have to think about my terms. And we will have a lot of talking to do." He looked up. Alec's face was serious but hopeful. "I love you, too. But I can't let you hurt me again." "I understand," Alec said. Magnus raised his hands and altered the wards. "Coffee? I still have your machine," he said with half a smile. Alec nodded. "Coffee sounds great."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. What do you think? What would you need to forgive somebody who hurt you this way?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Readjustments</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You can't just act as if you were single," Magnus said. "I know, I'm sorry," Alec replied. "I don't need more apologies, Alexander. I need you to see that I'm not a fun little game when you have time to spare. I need you to <i>want</i> to spend time with me and still make it work whenever time is scarce." Alec nodded. "I'm s... I have to work on that. I will. My default was diving into work and rewarding myself with sex afterwards." Magnus hummed. "But you're in a relationship now. Sex isn't only about you anymore."</p><p>Alec hadn't thought about that. Not in that way. When he denied himself physical intimacy he automatically denied it to Magnus too. "It's not that you owe me to have sex," Magnus explained, "but you shouldn't shut me out of the equation either." Alec agreed.</p><p>"But to be honest the sex part wasn't the worst. I can live without sex. That's not the point. But I need my partner to <i>care</i> about me. Enough to ask me about my day. You made me feel like I didn't deserve your affection." Alec swallowed hard. "I see how I made you feel this way. It won't happen again. I promise."</p><p>Magnus sighed. "I really want to believe your promises. But talk is cheap. I need you to live them out." Alec nodded again. It had been his default reaction for the last six hours. He felt squeezed out. But this was too important.</p><p>When dinner time arrived he asked,<br/>
"Wanna grab a bite?" "I can conjure something," Magnus offered. "But wasn't the point that I'm not taking advantage of your powers?" Alec asked confused. "It's not that you can never ask me for anything. I just want to know that it's not the default, that I am more to you than the things I can do for you." Alec nodded again. "What about we order in tonight? This is on me. And if you want I could cook dinner for us tomorrow?" he asked hopefully. "That sounds lovely, Alexander."</p><p>Alec was relieved. But the later the evening the bigger the elephant in the room grew. "Can I stay for the night or do you want me to go?" Alec asked after they finished eating. His heart was nearly beating out off his chest. He really wanted to stay but what if Magnus didn't? "I can't sleep without you in my bed," Magnus confessed. "Me neither," Alec said with a weary smile. Magnus shook his head. "I want to let you stay but I don't think it would be the right thing to do." Alec sighed and tried to keep the tears from falling. "Right. I ... I get that."</p><p>"To be honest. This is more about me than you," Magnus explained, "I let you do things to me I promised myself to never let happen again. I have to adjust myself. I need to trust myself when I'm around you." Alec let his head hang in shame. He had broken more than the trust between them. </p><p>Their goodbyes were awkward. The two men just stood in front of each other, both longing to touch but none of them daring. "So, dinner tomorrow?" Alec asked scratching his head. Magnus nodded. "I'm free after 6," he said. "I can be here at 6.30." "See you then," Magnus said with a weary smile. Alec raised his hand but let it fall again. "Good night, Magnus." "Good night," the warlock said and closed the door. He pressed his forehead to it and let his tears fall.</p><p>He mourned what they had just a few weeks ago. And he feared what was ahead of them. Alec had no idea how to be in a healthy relationship. And Magnus didn't want to be his tutor. But there was something about Alec, something about the way he had made him feel. He just couldn't let go of that. Maybe it was stupid. But he had done things for love that had been more bonkers.</p><p>Magnus walked into his bedroom and looked at his treacherous bed. How many hours had they cuddled there, made out, had sex? And now it seemed to laugh at him. It was pure exhaustion that made him find sleep after what felt like hours of churning in his bed. He had fallen asleep on Alec's side his face buried in his pillow. <i>Pathetic.</i> But it smelled so nice. The warm scent of lovely memories. Maybe he should preserve it. Just in case.</p><p>His sleepy thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone. </p><p>
  <b>
    <i>Good morning, Magnus. I hope you slept well. I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight. Have a great day! A</i>
  </b>
</p><p>Magnus felt a strange mixture of relief, grief, and hope. They would make this work somehow, wouldn't they?</p>
<hr/><p>Looking in the mirror Alec scolded himself. They had come so far and he had nearly broken it. And now he wasn't allowed to touch Magnus, to kiss him, to hold him, to feel him. He knew it was a small price to pay just to be allowed to be around him. But still. How long would it take to work up to what they had before? Would it stay awkward between them? Would Magnus ever truly forgive him?</p><p>All these thoughts made him want to go to bed again and never wake up. He ran on two hours of sleep but there was a business to run and a boyfriend to be wooed. </p><p>He met with Izzy for lunch. "Hermano, you know I love you but you look like shit." Alec rolled his eyes. "Thank you very much." "What is it, big brother?" she asked. "I nearly made Magnus break up with me. Actually, I succeeded but he's giving me another chance." She looked at him frowning. "What did you do?</p><p>"I did what I always do when I dive into a project." Izzy nodded in understanding. "And I was so full of myself that I treated him like shit. I didn't even ask him if he wanted to be my plus one." Izzy's eyes grew wide. "Oh, shit. And I rubbed it in his nose. I'm so sorry, Alec." "It's not your fault. I fucked up." He sighed. "I want to fix this. I want to be better, for him. But now there is this chasm between us and I don't know how to bridge it."</p><p>He rubbed his hands over his thighs. "Yesterday, I couldn't touch him. I was too afraid to ask if I could. I didn't want to hear him say 'no'." Isabelle gave him a small smile. "You will have to take the risk, show him that you respect his boundaries. I'm sure you two will figure this out." Alec nodded. "I was so stupid. But I need to fix this. I don't think I can live without him." "Then show him that you are serious."</p><p>Alec took a deep breath and admitted, "I worry that I slip up and he throws me out of his life for good." She put her hand on Alec's to comfort him. "It will be fine. Just put the same determination into your relationship that you usually show for work. I'm sure you will be back on track in no time." Alec's corner of the mouth twitched upwards. "I hope so."</p>
<hr/><p>"I'm sorry, Catarina, for the way I reacted the other day." Magnus looked down at his hands. "Ready to talk about it?" she asked slumping on the sofa next to him. "Mmh."</p><p>"I had the fantasy that Alec planned to take me to the ball and that you were in on the secret. When I realised ...," he trailed off. "... that I wasn't, you snapped." "Yes. I am so sorry." Cat looked at him kindly. "How are you feeling?" she asked, softly stroking over his knee.</p><p>"I'm alright now. Mostly," he chuckled half-heartedly. "I threw him out." "Oh." Cat sounded surprised. Magnus slightly shook his head. "He came back the next day and was <i>very</i> persistent." Cat raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "He apologised, properly. Not the shady stuff Camille pulled on me. A real apology. He talked about what he did wrong and how his actions affected me. He named his reasons and told me what he will do differently from now on." Cat nodded approvingly.</p><p>"There is still a lot we have to work through though." Magnus sighed. "He was so different in the last few weeks. But I let it happen without saying a word. We're back on square one. But now there isn't the joy of anticipation. We've already gone all the way. And it's just hurting that it's not there anymore." Catarina thought about it for a moment. "I won't tell you how to handle this, old friend. But do you even know how far you've come? Did you ever have such a conversation when you were with Camille?" </p><p>Magnus snickered. "She would never confess that she did something wrong or had to change her behaviour. And she most definitely wouldn't climb up a fire ladder and stand there until I decided her apology was sufficient." "He did?" Catarina smirked. Magnus let his head fall back with a delighted laugh.</p><p>"I won't tell you to go soft on him. I'm more than happy that you stood your ground and let him work for it. But don't be too hard either. I think you need your cuddles and there is only so much that I can do." Cat winked at him and he leant into her side. "I really love him." "I know," she said brushing through his hair. "And he was good for you before all this mess started. I really need to give him the shovel talk, but I am optimistic about him being serious. And if he hurts you again he will feel my wrath." Magnus snickered. "What would I do without you, my dearest Catarina?" She smiled and embraced him. "Cuddle with Ragnor?" she suggested. They both busted out laughing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. I love to hear what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. New beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus watched as Alec set the table. He was nibbling on his lower lip, torn between a warm feeling of endearment in his heart and a gnawing sensation of unfairness in his stomach. Yes, he expected Alec to make an effort. But it didn't feel right to let him do <i>everything</i>. Magnus just wasn't sure how to balance out the two, much less did he know how to communicate his unease.</p><p>He followed Alec back to the kitchen. They hadn't talked much yet and when they had said hello the shopping bags had thankfully averted a re-run of their awkward goodbyes. They were both so tense, Magnus even more because Alec did not let him do <i>anything</i>. Instead of doing something productive the warlock pecked on a loose fibre of his jumper and unravelled some stitches.</p><p>Meanwhile Alec measured the rice and the trickling of the grains filled the silence between them. It should have been as soothing as the sound of a rainmaker but it wasn't. It made his flesh crawl.</p><p> "So ... how was your day?" Alec asked while cutting the chicken for the fricassee he had planned. It was obvious to Magnus that he needed to occupy his hands to centre himself before he could manage to talk. Magnus sighed. "It was quite lovely," he answered. What else could he say?</p><p>The previous day they had talked about their relationship in a way he had never done with anybody before. He had steeled himself, had been harsher than he ever wanted to be with a partner. A part of him - maybe it was his demon blood - told him that Alec deserved it and that the younger man had to prove under all circumstances that he would bend to Magnus' will. But there was also the other part that told him that this wouldn't be a healthy relationship. They wouldn't be on equal footing and it wouldn't make either of them happy. Magnus looked at the back of Alec's head. This was just wrong. Everything felt wrong. <i>Damn it!</i> </p><p>The warlock took a deep breath. They wouldn't fix their relationship if they just sugarcoated everything and wouldn't be vulnerable in front of each other. "The night and the morning were terrible though. I missed you and I hated how the evening ended," he said, holding his breath after the words had left his mouth.</p><p>Alec turned around and looked at him. "I felt the same," he confessed. "Not knowing what I'm allowed to do and too afraid to ask." He exhaled long and leant against the counter. His eyes carried sadness. "I love you and I want to show you that I care. But it feels so wrong to not ...," he trailed off. "... touch," Magnus finished.</p><p>"Yeah." Alec lowered his gaze to the kitchen floor. Magnus looked at him for a long moment and then went up to him. He slowly moved to his front and laid his hands on Alec's hips. The other man twitched for a second but didn't move otherwise. Magnus rested their foreheads together, their noses brushed softly against each other. "Hold me," he whispered and Alec enveloped him in his arms without delay. Both let out a strangled breath and moved closer. A sob fell from Alec's lips and he buried his face in Magnus' shoulder. The warlock's eyes overflowed and he pressed his cheek in Alec's hair. They held one another for dear life.</p><p>After a long time they disentangled themselves. Alec caressed Magnus' cheeks and brushed away the tears. Both wore weary smiles. "I should finish cooking," Alec said gesturing in the direction of the ingredients. "Can I help you prepare the meal?" Magnus asked and saw Alec's reluctance. "You don't need to do everything, you know," Magnus explained. "You're not my servant," he tried to joke but he became serious again when he realised his attempt had failed. "And I don't want you to be. I want you to be a caring boyfriend, and I want to be a caring partner, too." Alec nodded visibly relieved.</p><p>"Could you chop the vegetables? Then I could start frying the chicken." Magnus pressed a tender kiss on his cheek. "But of course." They worked next to each other in a familiar flow and the silence between them settled into a comfortable one.</p><p>When the food was on the table they enjoyed their meal and talked about their meetings with Cat and Izzy. "I think they are really rooting for us," Alec quipped with caution. Magnus agreed. His expression was grave. "We're going to be alright, won't we?" he asked low-voiced.</p><p>Alec didn't answer but laid the back of his hand in the space between them, letting it rest on the table. It was an unobtrusive invitation. Magnus let his fingers slip into the palm of Alec's hand, softly brushing over the soft skin. His index followed the lines as if he was palm reading. He snickered. "I just realised that you never asked me for a reading." Alec looked at him with intense eyes. "Why would I?" the younger man asked, "I already know what you would tell me." Magnus raised an eyebrow. "You would tell me that I met my soulmate and that we would withstand the storm no matter what happened." Magnus took Alec's hand and squeezed it. He smiled softly. "That sounds about right," he agreed. They sat there for a while, relishing in the simple yet meaningful touch.</p><p>Alec cleared his throat. "I don't want to go back to the apartment. I know that you don't want to have me in your bed. I understand. Could I ... could I sleep on the couch?" Magnus looked at him with soft eyes. "You do know that I have a guest room, don't you?" he asked. "I don't want to inconvenience yourself. The couch is fine." Magnus thought for a moment and when he looked at Alec his smile radiated warmth. "Well, in that case, you <i>should</i> sleep in my bed. That way I won't have to drag your bedding out here."</p><p>Alec looked at him in surprise. "Are you sure? I can leave. It's okay." "No, it isn't. You are my boyfriend and you belong in my bed." When he realised the double meaning of what he just said, Magnus blushed. It was the first time ever since their fight and Alec's heart missed a beat or two.</p><p>He got up and pulled Magnus to his feet. He brushed his boyfriend's hair out of his face and caressed his cheek. "Can I kiss you?" he asked but Magnus didn't answer. After a moment Alec pulled back and lowered his head before closing his eyes. <i>Too early.</i> He felt Magnus moving and suddenly there were soft lips on his own. He gasped and let himself sink into the touch.</p><p>It was like coming home after a long journey. No, it <i>was</i> coming home. Home to Magnus. A home he had nearly lost. He promised himself to cherish Magnus for the rest of his life. He felt the heavy truth of the word he had used. But it was a good weight that settled in his heart. <i>Soulmate.</i></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. I love to hear what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Angel blood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you really okay with this? You don't need to if you're not comfortable." Alec stood behind Magnus and let his hands soothingly run up and down his arms. His boyfriend was nervously checking himself in the mirror. He wore the same outfit as the day they first met. It was Magnus' only suit and Alec knew he wore it as an armour whenever he needed to dress up.</p><p>"No, it's all right. I know your parents and your siblings, Clary and Simon. It'll be okay." Alec still looked at him worried. "But tell me if it's too much. I promise. We get out of there in no time." Magnus smiled at him. "Thank you." He turned around and leant in for a kiss. "You look very handsome, babe," Alec whispered against his lips. Magnus didn't know why this term of endearment always made him blush. He was quite the opposite of a baby and still ...</p><p>"And you look rather dashing, my love," he complimented running his hands over Alec's smooth suit jacket. "I like what you did with your hair. It looks natural and styled up at the same time," he mused. Alec laughed. "Thanks. I'm happy you like it." He gave Magnus a peck on the lip and asked, "Ready?"</p>
<hr/><p>They arrived earlier than the other guests. Magnus wouldn't have to fight himself through the crowd of unknown people and could already sit down at the table, getting used to the unfamiliar surroundings. This way Magnus hoped to keep his anxiety level manageable. He really wanted to go to the wedding anniversary party of Alec's parents. They had been so grateful that he had helped to organise it. </p><p>Izzy and her boyfriend joined them soon. "How are you doing?" Simon asked. "I'm quite alright," Magnus answered, knowing that the question wasn't just an empty phrase. The whole family had been respectful and understanding of his introverted personality and anxiety issues. They had really grown on him and he felt at ease when being around them. They cared so much for his wellbeing that Magnus was a bit embarrassed about it. But they had assured him that it was no big deal.</p>
<hr/><p>The party was pleasant and the dinner exquisite. The venue was big enough to contain the many guests without feeling crowded. Magnus felt a little smug that he had helped to organise it. And if he used magic to keep the ice sculptures from melting as they stood too close to the radiators nobody had to know.</p><p>"Your handwriting is extraordinaire. Do you practise calligraphy?" Izzy asked after dinner. Magnus shook his head. "No, not really, that's just how I write," he said smiling shyly. When she saw the questioning look on her brother's face Izzy explained, "There was a slip up with the invitations. The printers forgot to add the addresses to the envelopes. There was no time to wait for the subsequent delivery and Magnus did them all by hand!" </p><p>Alec's mouth fell open. "And you let him? Izzy!" He looked at her in disbelief. "He insisted," she defended herself. "It was nothing, Alec," Magnus reassured him, "It was rather meditating - like Shodō." "Shodō?" Clary asked. "That is the Japanese version of calligraphy. But it's less about beautiful writing and more about focus, self-control, and recreation," Magnus explained. </p><p>"Have you ever been to Japan?" Max asked. "Yes. There was a time when I was there every year for Hanami, the celebration of the cherry blossom season. It is beautiful beyond all description. But I haven't been there for a long time." "Why?" Maryse asked curiously. "Well, when my last Japanese friend died the tradition died with her," he explained with a sad smile. "I'm so sorry," Alec said squeezing his hand.</p><p>Magnus cleared his throat and turned to Alec's parents. "How did you two meet?" he asked with a smile that barely hid his grief. "We met in Spain," Robert said smiling at his wife. "She was - and still is - the most beautiful and fierce woman I have ever met. She stole my heart. It was as if we were meant to be together." He kissed her on the hand and she beamed at him. "I mean what are the odds? You travel halfway across the globe to fall in love with a Trueblood from New York." </p><p>Magnus' eyes grew big and he tried to suppress a squeak but failed miserably. All eyes were on him and he felt the heat rising up his neck into his cheeks. "Yes, what are the odds!" he exclaimed and turned to Alec. "Do you want to dance, darling?" he asked his befuddled boyfriend. "Ehm, sure." Alec got up and offered his hand that Magnus accepted immediately.</p><p>When they swayed on the dancefloor Alec whispered in his ear, "What did just happen?" Magnus snickered. "Sorry, I couldn't hold it in," he confessed. "You read the book I lent you, right?" "Yes," Alec answered, not knowing where Magnus was going with this. "Did you read the appendices, too?" "No, I'm sorry," Alec apologised. "That's quite alright. Nobody reads them. But if you had read them you would know the reason why." Alec looked more and more confused. </p><p>Magnus barely suppressed a laugh. "I told you that the Lightwoods are an old shadowhunter family." Alec nodded. "Well, the Truebloods are as well. Your both parents are descendants of the Nephilim. It seems their angel blood brought them together." "Oh my God!" Alec mumbled and Magnus snickered again. "In the olden days, you would have said 'By the angels', my little Nephilim." "By the angels indeed," Alec laughed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. What do you want to know about alternate Malec? I have some ideas how to expand their story but I'd love to know what you would like to read.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You are so beautiful," Alec said running his hand through Magnus' hair. His boyfriend snickered sheepishly. "And you need glasses," he retorted. Alec sighed and kissed him. "I wish you could see yourself the way I do." </p><p>Magnus thought about all the things his past lovers had called him. Cute, sweet, lovely, nice ... Yes, there had been some kind words and some not so nice ones like 'boring' or 'plain'. But nobody had ever called him 'beautiful'. He looked at Alec who ticked far too many boxes on the good-looking man list. How could this beautiful man who lay there in his arms see him like that?</p><p>"Tell me what you see," he whispered. His eyes were vulnerable. Alec propped himself up on his elbow and brushed one thumb over Magnus' cheek. He smiled at him. "You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. When we first met they reminded me of dark chocolate, bitter and sweet at the same time. Then I saw your real ones and they were shining like stars. I can see all your emotions when you show them and I feel honoured to be allowed to see them. But no matter which of them are in front of me, I see kindness and warmth, and I feel safe and loved. They look intense when you're deep in thoughts. They sparkle and crinkle at the corners when you laugh. I could get lost in them for hours no matter how sappy that sounds."</p><p>He pushed himself up to sit and cupped Magnus face with both hands. He traced his cheekbones with his thumbs. "I love your cheeks. They fit just perfectly in my hands and call to be caressed and kissed." He peppered them with soft pecks. He lowered his mouth to Magnus' ear. "I love how they blush whenever I whisper something sweet or naughty in your ear. Yes, ... just like that." Magnus giggled.</p><p>Alec brushed his nose over Magnus'. "Your nose is so cute and I love your little snorts. They are the perfect background noise to fall asleep to. Oh, and I love how you crinkle the top when you're thinking hard." He kissed his forehead. "I love your brain. All the things you know but also your wisdom, your wit, and your irrepressible sense of humour." He pressed a kiss on each eyebrow. "It's so beautiful when your eyebrows talk more than your mouth. They are such a lively part of your features." Magnus raised an eyebrow and Alec chuckled. </p><p>"Mmh, I wish I was a poet. I doubt that my words can depict what your lips are doing to me. They are so soft and just kissable." He pressed a long kiss on Magnus' lips. "They taste so sweet and they curve beautifully when you smile. You give the best kisses. I feel butterflies whenever I think of them." "Do you do that often?" Magnus snickered. "Mmmmmm," Alec answered into another kiss. "But I also love the words that come out of your mouth. The way they roll from your tongue. The way you retell stories, teach me history or murmur sweet words in my ear. I love listening to you." Magnus looked at him in disbelief. </p><p>"Do I cross a line when I talk about more intimate things that we haven't done again since ...," he trailed off. "Ehm ... no, it's okay," Magnus replied, heat and colour rising up his cheeks. Alec looked at him with a beaming smile. "In that case ...," he kissed his way down to Magnus' shirt, "I love the sounds you make when I kiss your beautiful neck." Magnus shivered. "Your skin is delicious. It's soft and warm, and you smell <i>so good</i>." Alec took in a deep breath nosing over Magnus' neck.</p><p>"May I?" Alec asked, his fingers touching the top button on Magnus' pyjama shirt. His boyfriend nodded and Alec undid the buttons slowly. His hand slid underneath, stroking over his abs. "Your body is perfection. It is strong and soft at the same time. I love watching you doing your yoga practice. I wish you did it shirtless though." "You randy old devil," Magnus gasped under his touch. Alec smirked up at him while peppering his chest with little pecks.</p><p>He slid on top of Magnus and sat up. He let his hands roam from the shoulders to his hands. "I love your strong arms. I feel safe and secure when you're holding me. And I love your beautiful hands. Every move of them is graceful." He entwined their fingers. "Their touch is so tender and yet they hold a power I can't fathom." He let his thumbs caress the palm of Magnus' hands. "Your magic is powerful enough to hurt and destroy and yet whenever I feel it I know that it is kind."</p><p>He looked down at Magnus. "You are the most beautiful person I ever met. And what I just said is only the tip of the iceberg. But if you let me I will show you every day for the rest of my life how beautiful you are. And I hope that one day you will believe me with all your heart." He lay his hand over Magnus' heart. "Because your heart is the most beautiful thing about you. It holds so much love for so many people who were and are part of your life. I can't imagine how heavy it must feel sometimes. But you carry it with so much grace."</p><p>"I love you, Magnus. And you make my life so much better every day. You help me <i>be</i> better. You deserve the world." He softly brushed his lips over Magnus' open mouth and pressed their foreheads together. "Thank you, Alexander," Magnus whispered. </p><p>Alec slid down from Magnus who nestled himself into his boyfriend's arms. He let the words sink in and hoped that one day he would be able to believe them in full.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Options</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My take on the immortality talk. No decisions are made in this series. I think you'll enjoy it no matter if you're team Immortal!Alec or Mortal!Alec.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things were going well. Really well. They settled back into an intimateness that resembled their earlier one. Magnus focussed on establishing good communication and Alec on a better work-life balance. Things were actually pretty perfect.</p><p>One evening Alec opened the door to the loft. Magnus had altered the wards to let him in whenever he wanted. He knew Magnus' schedule, knew when he had clients for readings. He would never interrupt Magnus at work.</p><p>Entering the loft Alec heard violin music. He walked to the living room and saw Magnus sitting in an armchair, eyes closed, listening to the music. Two meters away from him stood a man who had dark hair with streaks of silver. He was the source of the music, playing a melancholic melody on his instrument.</p><p>When the piece ended, silence lay over the room. Magnus smiled, his eyes still closed. "Thank you, my friend. You always charmed me with your music. It brings back fond memories of mine." The stranger lay down his instrument and turned to Alec in a slow, graceful movement. Magnus opened his eyes that settled on Alec's face. "May I introduce you to my boyfriend? This is Alexander Lightwood. Alexander, this is Brother Zachariah, or as he is now known again - Jem Carstairs."</p><p>Alec shook the man's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he said. "Jem is an old friend of mine. He once was a shadowhunter," Magnus explained. Alec raised an eyebrow. "I thought the last shadowhunters died more than a century ago," he said confused. A kind smile grew on Jem's face. "This is true. I once was a shadowhunter but there were <i>circumstances</i> and I became a silent brother."</p><p>Alec scratched his head. He remembered reading about the brotherhood. Magnus' description of them had made his blood run cold. But Jem looked totally normal and he spoke normal, too. "How?" was all that Alec managed. "That's a very long story. But I don't think that is what Magnus asked me to visit you for." Alec turned his gaze to Magnus who looked at him with too many emotions mixed up in his eyes to read what was lying underneath them.</p><p>"Jem ist over 150 years old. But he knows how it feels like to be mortal, too. I thought it a good idea to bring you two together," he said after a moment of silence. Alec nodded in understanding. It was a topic they had avoided until now. No, that wasn't right. <i>He</i> avoided it whenever Magnus tried to talk about it. Alec sighed. Deflection wouldn't work this time.</p><p>"But first things first. Dinner is ready," Magnus said in a put-on light voice and waved his hands. In a single moment, the table was elegantly set and delicious food filled bowls and plates. Over dinner, Magnus and Jem shared stories of times gone by, of friends, family, and fights. They spoke of Tessa, Will, and the children. Alec could see the fondness they held for them. </p><p>After finishing their meal Magnus departed to his library. Alec didn't try to protest. Magnus obviously had thought a lot about who should break the topic to him. And Alec wanted to do this for him, even though he himself didn't want to think about his death and what it would do to Magnus. But Tessa was family - very distant family though - and Jem was her partner. He couldn't help but feel at ease with him. </p><p>They sat in silence for a while. "You can ask me whatever is on your mind," Jem offered. "I'd rather not," Alec chuckled darkly. "I understand. But it won't go away nonetheless," Jem stated. "I know," Alec said rubbing his hands up and down his thighs.</p><p>"Did you become a silent brother to be able to stay with Tessa forever?" Alec finally asked. Jem gave him a small smile. "No, I had my very own reasons that I didn't choose of my own accord. And silent brothers aren't exactly immortal; our mortality is more like frozen, decelerated. And if we still lived under the threat of demons I wouldn't be able to be with Tess. Silent brothers are celibate. Tess and I dissolved our engagement and later she married Will. They loved each other dearly. Years after Will had died we found each other again and have been together since," he explained.</p><p>"Will and Tessa had children. Are they immortal like her mother?" Jem shook his head. "No, they were Nephilim by blood. Their demonic parts gave them special talents, but they were mortal." Alec swallowed hard. "You watch the people you care about age and die," he stated matter-of-factly. "Yes. Yes, I did and I still do."</p><p>"It seems to me that you loved Tessa's children like your own." Jem nodded in agreement. "How did you live knowing that you would lose them one day?" Jem smiled at him. "You live, you love. You try not to think about their demise. And when death comes you mourn, and you live, and you love them with all your heart forevermore."</p><p>Alec contemplated Jem's words. "But don't you lose the memories of them? I mean, forever is a long, long time. Do you just forget how much their loss hurt you or is it constantly tormenting you?" Jem answered in a sombre voice, "There are memories that time does not erase, Alexander. Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable."</p><p>"Sometimes I think it's selfish of me to be with Magnus. If we stay together, if we love each other until the day I die, he will be left behind. And I will be one of his many memories. He may tell other lovers stories about me. And as much as I want him to be happy I can't stand the thought of him being with them, and me being just a funny anecdote or a tearful tragedy."</p><p>"We're all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one," Jem said and winked at him. Then he spoke seriously again, "Magnus is the one to decide if the happiness he shares with you is worth the pain he will endure in the future. And he already made this decision, meseems. You shouldn't burden yourself with this. The only question worth asking is if you want him to be at <i>your</i> side, now. Everything else is not in your hands." "Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with him." Jem smiled. "Good. He deserves happiness."</p><p>Silence spread between them and Alec was deep in thoughts. When he looked up, Jem was still looking at him with a small smile on his face as if he knew what the next question Alec would ask will be. "I have angel blood from both sides of my family. Do you think ... if it was possible for you to ... might it work for me, too?"</p><p>"There might be solutions. Altered rituals and such. But you should take your time to think about the consequence. Longevity is as much a gift as a curse." Alec nodded. "I know. I need to find out what I want. And what Magnus wants. He may be happy to spend <i>my</i> lifetime with him, but maybe not his," he contemplated. Jem patted Alec's hand and suppressed a laugh. <i>If you knew him better you would see that he is in this forever.</i></p><p>Jem cocked his head to the side. "I think you should ask him, yes. But maybe you should spend more time together before you propose this question. Only if you really consider it as an option of course." Alec nodded. "I know. It's all very new. And still, I feel as if we've been together for ages." Jem laughed. "Maybe you were just meant to be together."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, I let Jem quote Doctor Who. I imagine him and Tessa watching their favourite show eating cucumber sandwiches. 😊</p><p>...</p><p>Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Yours is the light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The last chapter is here. I had more ideas but nothing really worked. Maybe I will add something later but I think it can stand like this. Thank you for your comments and kuddos. 💜</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>Oh, the irony of life.</i>
</p><p>Five years. Five tumultuous, wonderful years. Five years of growing together, of loving each other, of building a shared life. Alec didn't know why he was favoured by fortune. He had met the love of his life and miraculously neither his work nor his inexperience in healthy relationships had been able to tear them apart.</p><p>Magnus was patient and kind, passionate and affectionate. He was everything Alec always had dreamt of and so much more. He surprised him every day and he showed him the world. Magnus was magical in so many ways that sometimes Alec couldn't fathom why this wonderful man had chosen to be with him. But Alec wouldn't question it. He'd take Magnus as long as he was willing to be with him or until his heart gave out.</p><p>And that's what brought him into this dilemma. The little black box was burning holes into his jeans, his favourite suit jacket, his winter coat. The little black box was carried through New York and travelled around the world only to return to its place in Alec's drawer. </p><p>And it was frustrating. He was an event planner for heaven's sake, one of New York's top 5, and he wasn't able to ask his boyfriend to marry him. That wasn't due to a lack of ideas, no. He had thousands. But most of them would be more suitable for his own personality. But this wasn't about him, it was about Magnus. The socially shy, introverted warlock who would prefer takeout and television over every romantic restaurant worldwide.</p><p>Yes, he had shown Alec the Japanese cherry blossom season and the German New Year's fireworks. They had celebrated Midsommar in Sweden and Homowo in Ghana. But it had all been on Magnus' terms. He had decided what he could deal with. But Alec could hardly ask him this time. And he didn't want to hijack one of Magnus' plans.</p><p>No, it needed to be perfect. Magnus deserved that. Nobody in his long life had ever asked to marry him and neither had he asked somebody else. He didn't want to bind somebody to him. He was used to being left. How could he burden someone else with the prospect of being together until the end? Alec knew all these thoughts, had tried to erase them unsuccessfully. There were wounds he had learnt weren't able to mend. But he knew he would at least try for the rest of his life.</p><p>The little black box was his for nearly six months now and it seemed to laugh at him. Why was it so hard? There were no doubts that he wanted to marry this man. And he was like 99,9999999% certain that Magnus would say 'yes'. But still. There was no perfect way to ask him and it drove Alec crazy.</p>
<hr/><p>In the afterglow of making love Alec had dozed off snuggled around Magnus' body. He had learnt to fall asleep in his boyfriend's arms. He couldn't imagine that he had ever thought he wasn't able to sleep this way. Now he couldn't without. It was late afternoon and the setting sun was painting shadows on the walls when they both woke up, a little groggy from the unplanned nap.</p><p>Magnus smiled down at him and brushed his hand up and down Alec's back. Alec painted a repeating pattern on the other man's belly. It took him some time until he realised what his finger was brushing on his lover's skin. He propped his head and asked, "Are you happy with me?" Magnus looked at him in confusion. "Of course I am, darling." He brushed his hand through Alec's hair. The atmosphere had turned meaningful but he didn't understand why. </p><p>Alec took his hand and pressed a kiss on his knuckles. "Marry me then," he simply said. His words were answered with an incredulous face and silence. After a long moment, Magnus whispered, "What?" "Please, marry me, Magnus." There was the silence again but Alec couldn't find it in himself to be nervous about it. He smiled at his boyfriend and raised an eyebrow. "Or do you not want to?" Those words broke the spell and a wide smile grew on Magnus' face. "It would be my honour, Alexander Gideon Lightwood," he replied.</p><p>Alec pushed himself up and pressed a soft kiss on Magnus' lips. "Thank you," the younger man whispered. Then he raised from the bed and walked to his drawer. Magnus' eyes followed him until he slipped under the covers again. He set down the little black box where his fiancé's bellybutton was missing. Magnus stared at it in wonder.</p><p>"Open it," Alec prompted. Magnus snickered to let out some of the tension he felt building up inside. He sat up and leant to the headboard. He took the box in his hands and clicked it open. Two simple silver wedding bands were inside. "Yours is engraved, mine is not. I thought you might want to add your personal touch to mine," Alec explained.</p><p>"What is it?" Magnus asked and Alec took the engraved ring. He turned it so Magnus could see the gravure. Magnus raised an amused eyebrow. Alec chuckled. "At our first date, you said that you were more of a Cummings guy." Magnus laughed softly. "I did indeed." He watched the small letters glistening in the sun. <i>Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born</i>. It was one of Magnus' favourite lines. But there was something else.</p><p>Magnus took Alec's hand that was holding the ring and moved it closer to see better. Surprise washed over Magnus' face when he recognized what it was. "The Wedded Union rune? How ...?" he asked. Alec grinned. "Jem helped me with that," he explained. Magnus looked delighted. He took Alec's ring out of the box, closed his eyes, and moved his hand over it.</p><p>The gravure was filigreed. Alec knew the words and their meaning. Magnus whispered them in his ear in the most intimate moments as if they were holy to him. <i>Aku Cinta Kamu</i>. And there was something else engraved, looking like painted with a brush. The infinity sign ∞. Alec's heart missed a beat or two. He looked into Magnus' eyes and kissed him again. Then he slipped the ring on his finger and Magnus did the same. They beamed at each other in silence and something finally settled in Magnus. He was loved. He was worthy of being loved. And this time the person who held his heart would stay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. I love to hear what you think.</p>
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